An Exit Plan for Iraq

I fully expect to be declared a national hero for coming up with this solution to the intractable problem of ending America’s role in the Iraq War with George Bush still in office. I intend to take advantage of one of Smirko bin Busho’s major personality defects and use it against him.

Some of his friends have described how, as a young man, he not only played to win but played until he won, even if he had to change the rules as he goes alone. For example, if he and a friend were playing a game and his friend achieved the 21 points needed to win, Bush would demand that they play to 25 points, then if necessary to 31 points, and so on until he won. Then he would refuse to continue play.

Similarly, if his opponent won best of three games, the young George insisted on three out of five, then five out of seven, and so on. Or he would change a rule that disadvantaged him because of some personal weakness and go on to win under the new rules.

In short, among George W Bush’s many character flaws is this very important one that he just cannot stand to lose and must win at all costs. We have seen this defect at work in Iraq, esp in his latest plan to ‘surge’ more American troops to the tinderbox of Baghdad in order to keep playing until he wins even tho victory is clearly not in the cards.

Now our US Senators are planning a resolution that urges Bush in effect to accept defeat and stop sending more troops. Some even want to tell him that they will refuse to fund any surge troops. Nothing could be calculated to be less effective in ending the war and more effective in enraging Bush to ‘stay the course.’

No, what the US Senate needs to do is to acknowledge that Bush has won the Iraq War and to congratulate him on being able to withdraw our troops as a result. They can acknowledge that he has achieved goal after goal. First, he deposed the hated anti-American dictator. Then, he rid Iraq of weapons of mass destruction. [Yes, there were none, but roughly half the public still thinks there were, and Bush is always ready to believe a useful lie he tells himself or someone tells him about himself.] After that, he established a democratic system of government in Iraq respresenting all the major goups and held a successful election with millions of purple fingers raised by proud first-time voters.

In short, we should tell our magnificent President that he has accomplished all his goals of regime change in Iraq. All that’s left is cleaning up some messes, and that is a job for the Iraqi people – a job they proudly wish to assume so that Americans need no longer die on their behalf.

A Senate resolution along these lines could even piously wish that a monument would be erected to Bush, funded by the grateful American people, showing him trampling on Saddam to the admiration and adoration of mullahs of the Kurd, Whey, and etc persuasions. Bush the winner! Bush the giant-killer! Bush the savior of Iraq!

How could our narcissistic President resist such an approach? Even Veep Cheney couldn’t convince him to decline the honor of winning and to keep fighting. No, we would declare victory, our troops would be withdrawn, and the Cowboy-in-Chief would be hailed as the savior of our nation. And I of course would receive from the hands of the next (Democratic) President my well-deserved Medal of Freedom as the architest of this plan.