Kibble

Bill Clinton for Ambassador to the World!

2007-05-08T11:18:00.003-05:00

As I think our nearly two-year long Presidential election campaign is ridiculous, I have been avoiding most of the news reports of the candidates in both parties so far. Maybe this winter I'll start paying attention and decide on a candidate to favor with my vote.

However, one bit of news caught my eye the other day. Hillary Clinton has announced that, if elected, she will appoint her husband Bill as her ambassador to the world. No one can object to such an appontment as nepotism, given his qualifications. I can think of no one better equipped to repair the horrifying damage that the Bush Administration has wreaked on the US' reputation and relationships with other nations. Besides being a President with an effective foreign policy, Bill was very popular with the leaders and peoples of other countries and was trusted as an honest broker in long-lasting difficult disputes, such as Ulster and the Middle East.

In fact, I think the other Democratic candidates should go Hillary one better and promise to make Bill Sec'y of State. Heading up State would put him in the best possible position to heal our relationships with other countries, put our foreign affairs in extremely capable hands, and leave the new President free to address our most pressing domestic problems, which are legion due to the incompetence and malfeasance of Geo W Bush.

First Ducklings of the Season

2007-05-08T10:53:00.000-05:00

I looked out my dining-room window yesterday and was delighted to see the first clutch of ducklings to visit my yard this year. [Click pic to enlarge.] What was especially intriguing is that the Mama Mallard watching over her five little ones was accompanied by a drake who shared scout duty with her. Ordinarily, mother ducks don't like even other ducks to get near their little ones, so it was a first for me to see a pair taking care of the ducklings. Clutches usually lose most of their ducklings to predators as the season goes along, Maybe these five will all live to adulthood with the help of two guardians.

Straights Have No Right to Judge Gays

2007-02-19T15:33:00.000-06:00

I noticed this morning on the local newspapers’ net forum a thread on Tim Hardaway, to whom I awarded a Chutzpah Prize yesterday. While some writers condemned his remarks, others – particulary some strait [sic] men – didn’t see "I hate gays" as that terrible. A number who claimed that they weren’t bigoted or homophobic remarked that gay men made them “uncomfortable” and that they disapproved of the "gay lifestyle."

Now this is one of my pettest peeves. Given the general social disintegration in which we all live and participate, for anyone to single out gay people as particularly objectionable annoys me to the max. So I responded with the following comments. Mind you, I’m not really judging heteros as any better or worse than homos, just trying to point out the ludicrous hypocrisy of the straights who sit in judgment of gays:

As for the straight guys who disappove of the gay lifestyle, let me remind you what the straight lifestyle is nowadays. Most men and women have had sexual relations with multiple partners before marriage, including one-nite stands. Many couples cohabit for years before marrying. Some even have one or more children who act as flowergirl and ringbearer at the big white wedding they eventually have.

The average length of an American marriage "til death do us part" is seven years. Roughly half of first marriages end in divorce. Many – perhaps most -- divorces and remarriages are the result of adultery committed by one or both marrieds. Some couples are in second, third, fourth, or later marriages -- all “til death do us part.’ [Entertainment Weekly routinely follows wedding announcements with "It's his third and her second marriage. He has two children from previous marriages."]

Nearly half of children live with only one parent, and many receive little or no child support from their noncustodial parent. Others live in "joint custody" arrangements that put them in each parent's home at different times. Large numbers of families are “blended,” with children of various combination of parents. Stepchildren and half-siblings abound.

Fornication galore before marriage, adultery during, breaking of solemn vows, disintegrating and compound-complex families, abandonment of children, etc etc. Hardly anyone has failed to commit one or more of these offenses against “traditional sexual and marriage morality.” Why on earth so many straits who lack any “family values” think they have a right to sit in judgment on the "gay lifestyle" totally eludes me.

On another note, this marks my 100th Kibble post! Congratulations to me and a pat on my baldpate.

Awarding the Chutzpah Prize

2007-02-18T14:27:00.000-06:00

'Chutzpah' is defined as the quality displayed by the young man who murdered both his parents, than threw himself upon the mercy of the court because he was an orphan. From time to time, I may acknowledge someone whose behavior deserves a Chutzpah Prize.

Former NBA player Tim Hardaway, interviewed on his reaction to the coming-out of former NBA star John Amaechi, remarked: "You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people,'' he said in the interview. "I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States.''

Hardaway's comments were rebuked by NBA Commissioner David Stern, who banned him from the All-Star Game festivities. Even the anti-gay Concerned Women of America accused Hardaway of going too far in expressing hatred.

Overwhelmed by this disapproval and the crush of press attention, Hardaway complained that he wanted people to "respect my feelings."For demanding respect for himself after displaying total disrespect for another, I award Mr Hardaway a well-deserved crap-encrusted Chutzpah Prize.

Eliminating the Frankenstein Veto

2007-02-16T10:30:00.000-06:00

When Wisconsin’s Legislature and citizens in 1930 amended our state’s Constitution to widen the Governor’s veto power, they set in motion a series of events they undoubtedly never foresaw. Until then, the Governor could either sign or veto a bill. The amendment permitted a Governor another option in the case of appropriations bills – he could veto them “in whole or in part.” (Art V, sec 10) This seemingly innocent change has managed to upset the balance of powers inherent in Wisconsin’s system of three branches of government.

Wisconsin governors used this ‘partial veto’ power – the strongest of any state governor -- appropriately until Governor Patrick Lucey. Since him, we have had governors cross out numbers and write in new ones, cross out letters in words to form new ones, and cross out words in a series of sentences to create new law out of whole cloth. Our Supreme Court has refused to curb these abuses, asserting that the Legislature’s power to override is the appropriate remedy. Unfortunately, the Governor’s party in the Legislature refuses to override, with the result that these abuses go unchecked.

One successful attempt has already been made to amend our Constitution to eliminate the so-called ‘Vanna White veto.’ In 1990, the provision was added that “the governor may not create a new word by rejecting individual letters in the words of the enrolled bill.”

The most audacious veto since then was perpetrated by Governor Doyle. He vetoed whole sections of the 2005 budget bill, retaining only a number here and a word there, to create new language that diverted money from transportation and health care to increase school aids by over $400 million more than the Legislature had appropriated!

The Legislature approved an amendment last year to eliminate this ‘Frankenstein veto’ by disallowing the creation of a new sentence from a series of others. The Assembly approved it again this year for placement on the April 3 ballot. Unfortunately, Senators Fred Risser and Judy Robson have refused to advance the amendment in the upper chamber.

I am of two minds about this amendment. The Frankenstein veto is a gross abuse that should be eliminated, but the amendment doesn’t go far enough. A Governor can still veto a ‘not’ to change a prohibition into a requirement! He can still veto parts of a limited tax exemption to broaden it and increase its fiscal effect, as Tommy Thompson did several times. I am sorry to say that, when I worked in the State Budget Office, I was the architect of some of these outrageous vetos. I hope now to atone by supporting a more comprehensive approach to resolving this problem.

What we really need is an amendment that allows the Governor to veto only whole sections of an appropriations bill or, at the very least, only whole sentences. Anything more allows the Governor to continue the practice of being, in effect, a third house of the Legislature capable of thumbing his nose at the other two and rewriting legislation to suit himself.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T10:00:00.000-06:00

The feather heart above greets visitors to my place in the front door window. Inside the foyer is this decorated Norfolk Pine. Friends and neighbors know beyond doubt that they've been Valentine'd!

And what would Valentine's Day be without a bit of man-flesh? Below we have Eric Mabius of TV's "Ugly Betty." I have no idea how I've failed to offer him up as 'beefcake' yet this TV season, so I hope to atone for my sin against Cupid and St Valentine by posting this pic now [click to enlarge].

The Progressive Plan to Exit Iraq

2007-02-13T15:46:00.000-06:00

While the US Senate allows the Republican minority to use the cloture rule to prevent a vote On a nonbinding Iraq War resolution, and the House dithers over what exactly to say to our warmongering President, one group of anti-war Congress-members has stayed faithful to their principles.

Many of them voted against the Iraq War resolution in 2002 and have since opposed permanent US military bases in Iraq. They have been proposing that the US exit our unwinnable war for several years. The Congressional Progressive Caucus, which I am pleased to say includes Wisconsin’s own Tammy Baldwin and Gwen Moore, has now put a cap on their continued opposition to the war with a detailed policy statement:

"Over the last four years, the insurgency in Iraq has strengthened and sectarian violence has increased. Furthermore, the current situation on the ground in Iraq is grave and rapidly deteriorating. The Congressional Progressive Caucus has determined accordingly that a predominantly military approach is no longer a viable solution to stabilizing Iraq.

"We are committed to bringing all of the U.S. troops and military contractors in Iraq home in a six-month time frame as part of a fully funded redeployment plan.

"More specifically, we oppose sending additional U.S. troops and military contractors to Iraq and favor binding votes to block President Bush's escalation of U.S. military involvement in Iraq.

"We believe all appropriations for U.S. military involvement in Iraq must be for the protection of our troops until and during their withdrawal within six months of the date of enactment of this limitation and accelerating the training and equipping of additional Iraqi security forces during that six-month time frame. The president has left the Congress few alternatives other than to use the power of purse spelled out in Article I, Section 9 of the U.S. Constitution to curtail U.S. military operations in Iraq.

"Finally, we are opposed to establishing any permanent U.S. military bases in Iraq, support rescinding the president's Iraq war authority, and support greater diplomatic and political engagement in the region, while ensuring that the Iraqi people have control over their own petroleum resources."

The Caucus members are unquestionably right that a “military approach is no longer a viable solution to stabilizing Iraq.” Over 78% of Iraqis believe that our forces cause more violence than they prevent. Nearly 75% of Baghdad residents feel they would be safer if the US soldiers who ‘protect’ them weren’t there. The ongoing struggle for power between Sunnis and Shias is only complicated by the insurgency against American troops. Clearly, US withdrawal from Iraq is more likely to decrease than to promote violence.

So kudos to these representatives in Washington who have heeded the message sent by the American people in the recent election. They at least have the guts to stand up and say what needs to be said on our behalf. If only the rest of our Congress were as willing to do the task required of them in these difficult times.

Recent Land of Free posts: Free Kitties, Lincoln Quotes, First Amendment

So What If It's Natural?

2007-02-12T13:30:00.000-06:00

A new pet store has opened in Madison that sells only ‘natural pet products,’ including ‘natural’ pet foods. Personally, I’ve never been able to jump on the ‘natural anything’ bandwagon. Something natural can hurt you plenty: think of deadly nightshade, Salmonella, or nasty strains of E. coli. Manufactured drugs can have bad side-effects, but so can many herbs. On the other hand, artificial additives can prolong the shelf-life of many a product that would have to be thrown away if spoiled or would make you sick if eaten. Natural vs artificial is a false dichotomy that means little or nothing.

One Monona dog owner was quoted as saying: “Just like people should eat natural and direct from the garden, animals should too. Commercially prepared food has a lot taken out of it, and I believe that's true for animals as well."

I checked my canned cat food and kibble and found all genuine animal and plant parts plus a lot of added vitamins and some preservatives. I’m not sure what, if anything, “was taken out.” As for eating direct from the garden, I have to admit I’ve always wondered about the flavors of cat food: tuna, chicken, whitefish, shrimp, salmon, beef, turkey, veal pate even – almost any kind of meat, fish, or fowl consumed by humans but not available to companion animals in the wild.

Maybe our new ‘natural pet food’ store will offer instead canned mice, chipmunks, squirrels, sparrows, chickadees, and bunnies. I wonder how many pet-owners would buy ‘natural’ foods made of the same critters that cats kill and eat in the yard. Not very many is my guess.

And, of course, I won’t even mention the indelicate subject of the natural flavors such as vomit and feces that would have to be included in dog food to be truly authentic and ‘natural.’

Today's Photo -- My Philosophy of Life

2007-02-12T13:00:00.000-06:00

This dog agrees with my general philosophy that life is like a jar of peanut butter. No matter how empty it may seem, there's always enough PB left for one more slice of bread or at least a cracker -- or swipe of the tongue.

I Blog, Therefore I Am

2007-02-10T15:00:00.000-06:00

I blog, therefore I am spending way too much time at my computer. Of course, the only unreasonable and insane response to such a situation is to add another blog to my daily tasks.

So today I announce my new blog Land of the Free. My long-time faithful readers [and I know who you are and love you for it] will know that my first blog, On the Contrary, sported an ornery view in contrast to the usual center-left party-line on the issues of the day. Technical problems that I couldn't resolve put an end to OTC. So I decided to create Kibble to give me the opportunity to post on a wider range of topics of personal interest but with even more bite than OTC. I've enjoyed that very much and intend to keep that the focus of Kibble. Before the November election, I started to add some political topics and will continue some political discussions on Kibble.

As I have approached many political topics both here and in forums of local newspapers and in talks with friends, I have come to the realization that one major approach dominates much of my analysis of public policy. Time and again I find myself opposed to proposed legislation because it conflicts with the basic principles of Jeffersonian libertarianism. [See quote at top of sidebar.] I want to focus my attention and evaluate issues in a way that maximizes individual liberty and minimizes unfortunate and unnecessary interference by the commonality in the exercise of such liberty.

If you wish, Land of the Free offers the opportunity to subscribe via e-mail just as Kibble does. If you already subscribe to Kibble, you won't need to subscribe to L0F. Every few days, I will list links to my latest L0F posts in Kibble and those will appear in the Kibble emails. If an L0F topic interests you, you can just click on the link.

I hope you will take a look at Land of the Free. Unlike Kibble, L0F will allow reader comments on posts, and I hope to promote more discussion that way. The use of topic tags will also make it easier for readers to locate posts on political topics of interest to them.

Latest L0F Posts: No Religious Test, Spanking Ban, Stupid Laws

Poor Mom Just Can't Let Go

2007-02-09T13:15:00.000-06:00

Mother Nature, in a futile attempt to remind mothers that their newborn infants are separate persons now, requires that the umbilical cord be both physically and metaphorically cut. Mothers, excited as they are by the sight of their infant child, usually fail to note the significance.

And so, throughout a child’s life, mom acts as tho she is still intimately connected. Into my forties, my mother introduced me – her youngest – to others as ‘my baby.’ Advice was freely given, tho unasked for. I could walk in after a long absence and be greeted with “that’s an awful haircut!” Yet her judgment is powerful enough that children try to please her even when she's not around. Think of all the daughters who've had church weddings because "mother would die if I didn't."

On the other hand, she can be counted on to want you near. Get fired from your job at 28, and mom will let you back into the house and gladly cook for you and do your laundry. When dad wants to throw your ‘lazy ass’ out, mom will convince him you just need a little more time. Once gone, you may have nothing to talk about with her, but she expects regular phonecalls and visits, tho filled with long silences. She’ll say she loves you, and you won’t be able to retort with your long list of her faults. After al, she gave birth to you, nourished you, and still seeks to care for you in her own way.

Moms don’t just have this social hold over us but have an intense, deep emotional hold too. Your mother is your primary model of a human person and a parent. You will find yourself becoming more like her or fighting to keep that from happening. How many women do some particular thing and then cry out “I’m becoming my mother!”

You might think this hold will cease when your mother passes, but it doesn’t. That Jungian subconscious archetype of ‘mother’ created in her image and likeness will remain, and she’ll pop into your dreams and thoughts at odd unexpected times, sitting simultaneously in judgment and love. She won’t be gotten rid of that easily.

All of us – men and women both – receive half our genetic inheritance from our mother. In fact, she gives even more than that, since our mitochondrial DNA comes down strictly thru the maternal line. Now scientists have discovered an even more shocking fact. Mothers actually leave some of their own cells within us. Not surprisingly, their function is to help correct problems in the child’s body that the offspring isn't managing to fix alone.

I can just hear the proud complaint from those maternal cells: “I told you your pancreas needed some attention, but, no, you were too worried about that knee infection. So now I have to come to your rescue and fix your pancreas before its juices dissolve your guts for you. I hope you'll listen to your mother next time, you thankless child!”

Are We Getting Too Soft?

2007-02-08T10:49:00.000-06:00

When I taught in Pennsylvania in the ‘60s, we might have a snow day declared if none of the busses could get thru, but I can’t remember school-closings called on account of below-zero temperatures. Here in Madison in the '70, I can’t recall schools being called off for even extreme cold. In fact, I can remember a few winters when school would have had to be shut down for weeks at a time or a month if below-zero temps had been grounds for closing.

But nowadays we have gotten used to the warmth of milder winters most likely due to global warming. So when we get a real cold spell, as we’re now experiencing, schools either shut down or open late. The reason given is to protect kids from frostbite, which they can supposedly easily get from exposure to the elements. I don’t remember any incidents of that sort when we had extreme cold all February. Haven’t today's children heard of heavy coats, scarves, gloves and mittens, and boots?

What really aggravated me today was a letter in the local papers maintaining that the voc-ed schools and the university should have closed. College kids, claimed the writer, are still at an immature age where the girls dress for fashion and the boys don’t think enough about what they wear. Well, I say, if they’re in college and can vote or go into the military, they ought to have enough smarts to dress for the weather. If they don’t, let them get freezing cold or even frostbitten til they acquire some common sense. Neither global warming nor concern for young people’s immaturity is reason to shut down higher ed due to freezing weather.

Time to stop coddling, people!

Weight-Loss Bunkum

2007-02-08T10:34:00.000-06:00

The FDA has announced its approval of the weight-loss drug Alli to be sold OTC. Big whoop! The supposed big news is that all the other supplements on the market are unproven and may be dangeous, whereas Alli is “proven safe and effective.”

Alli acts by blocking the breakdown and absorption of fats in the intestine. This means that anytime you overdose on fat, you may endure flatulence, diarrhea, oily stools, and – lordy! – "occasional loss of bowel control." In fact, these nasty side effects tend to “create an aversion to eating excessive fat.” Alli isn't a drug, it's a behavior modification device! The way to avoid the side effects is to limit your diet to 30% fats. So no more donuts for you!

The effectiveness data on Alli claims that you can lose up to 5% of your body weight in 6 months. The catch – ‘”in connection with a program of exercise and diet.” In my case, 5% of body weight is about 9 pounds. If I reduced my fat intake and walked more, I hope I would lose more than 9 pounds – with or without Alli.

So, Alli requires that you eat less fat and calories and helps you to do that by creating unpleasant intestinal symptoms that will create an aversion to eating fat. Now that’s what I call "safe and effective." Yikes. Oh, and you have to take a multivitamin with Alli since it blocks absorption of some of those vital elements to our body’s health.

Imagine all the poor idiots who will buy this drug and not read any of the fine print. They'll keep eating the same as before and sitting on the crapper all day. And maybe experiencing vitamin deficiencies.

I think I’ll wait for the next weight-loss drug in the FDA pipeline – an appetite suppressant. Can’t wait to learn its side effects.

Today's Vealcake -- Daniel Radcliffe

2007-02-07T09:03:00.000-06:00

Young actors who've made their reputations playing squeaky-clean characters often try to avoid typecasting by taking an edgy role. So James van der Beek [Dawson's Creek] played an amoral college druggie in Rules of Attraction, Joseph Gordon-Levitt [Third Rock from the Sun] took the role of a troubled prostitute in Mysterious Skin, Jonathan Taylor-Thomas [Home Improvement, Wild America] played gay in Speedway Junky and Common Ground, Heath Ledger [teen comedies and Knight's Tale] played a coward in Four Feathers and a womanizer in Casanova, and so on.

Now Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame is ditching his good-wizard image to play a troubled youth in a London production of the play Equus. The lead role is always played by a skinny, attractive, well-hung kid who appears completely nude for large parts of the play. "Part of me wants to shake up people's perception of me, just shove me in a blender," Radcliffe told Newsweek. "It's a really challenging play, and if I can pull it off. . .I hope people will stop and think, 'Maybe he can do something other than Harry.'"

The promo pics of him just released show he has now become a sexy young man. Not only has his new-found physical development earned him the nickname Hairy Hotter, but the photos themselves [click to enlarge] are masterly in their composition and subtle colors. The sensation they're causing is rapidly changing public perception of Radcliffe and seem likely to provide a big boost to his career and to the play's success in London.

Birds, Birds, & More Birds

2007-02-06T23:05:00.000-06:00

Over three decades ago. I was driving along a highway when I spotted a crow overhead. Suddenly red light flashed from its head, and it flew off to the right. I pulled my car over, scrambled down a ditch and over a fence, ran thru an open meadow and then into the woods. After a few moments of scanning, I caught sight of the Pileated Woodpecker on the side of a tree, then watched as it flew from trunk to trunk looking for insects.

My friend Clare, a retired biology teacher and expert birder, has the great good fortune to have Pileateds come to his suet feeder. Above [click to enlarge] he has captured a beautiful image of a female Pileated on a tree.

Below is a pic also taken by Clare of a part-white Blue Jay at a feeder. To become white, most critters just have to lose their pigment, but a Blue Jay's color derives instead from light refraction caused by the feathers' inner structure. So I should think the white jay is a real rarity. A few days ago my next-door neighbor called to tell me to look out my study window. Not fifteen feet away sitting on a branch was a Peregrine Falcon picking at a squirrel tail and tossing off bits of fur in a futile search for meat. Above, a curious young squirrel scampered about the branches watching, unaware of his danger. Unfortunately, the combo of bright diffused light and a clutter of branches made the pictures I took useless.

A few days later another neighbor sighted a young eagle eating a sizable animal at the lakeside park on the next block. A few days later, from my diningroom windows I spotted it soaring above the icebound lake.

Unfortunately, with a hawk and an eagle about, I'm reluctant to let my cat out, but Maurice insists even in this freezing weather. He clawed at the window when he spotted the hawk, spoiling for a fight. I don't think so, little fella!

Maureen Dowd on the Iraq War

2007-02-05T23:21:00.000-06:00

Few commentators on the current scene are as astute and truth-telling as the New York Times’ Maureen Dowd. Her straight-forward reading published Saturday of the 2007 National Intelligence Estimate contrasts mightily with the Bush Administration’s cherry-picking of that same document to suit its own purposes.

Putting to rest the issue of whether the conflict in Iraq constitutes ‘civil war,’ she quotes this year's Estimate: “The Intelligence Community judges that the term ‘civil war’ does not adequately capture the complexity of the conflict in Iraq, which includes extensive Shia-on-Shia violence, Al Qaeda and Sunni insurgent attacks on coalition forces, and widespread criminally motivated violence.” Defense Sec’y Robert Gates, successor to the prevaricating Donald Rumsfeld, admits that there are in effect four different wars going on in Iraq now and has been seconded by Nat’l Security Advisor Stephen Hadley. Wow, there you have it authoritatively: not one but a bunch of civil wars.

While the Administration insists on saying we’re making progress in Iraq and will make more if we just send a ‘surge’ of troops, Dowd counters that ”three sulfurous possibilities loom: chaos leading to partition, the emergence of a Shiite strongman, or anarchy ‘mixing extreme ethnosectarian violence with debilitating intragroup clashes.’ “ A trio of Hobson's choices -- such are the results of the Bush Administration's incompetence in starting and conducting this war.

Meantime, polls show that over 70% of Iraqis want us gone, and the Iraqi gov’t is continually protesting our ham-fisted approach to limiting its autonomy. At the same time, Iraqis -- esp Shiites -- are blaming us for failing to protect them as they war against their brethren. Our very efforts to strengthen Iraq appear to be a major factor in weakening it by fomenting continued violence.

As Maureen Dowd rightly concludes: “It’s official. We’re in a cycle of violence so complex and awful that withdrawing American troops will make it worse and keeping American troops there may also make it worse. We can try or we can leave, but either way, it seems, we’re cooked.”

Starting a New Ancient Tradition

2007-02-04T10:28:00.000-06:00

I was pleased on Friday to host a Quincanero, a variation on the Latino custom which honors a girl’s reaching the age of fifteen with an elaborate party. The Quincanero, however, honored a friend of mine for finally being able to put on more than 15 pounds.

At a time when most Americans are overweight, if not outright obese, it’s odd to find someone who has difficulty putting on weight. Greg for years had a metabolic disorder that was finally diagnosed recently – an excess of bile spilled into his bloodstream in the morning ruining his digestion and causing discomfort after eating. The nutritionist prescribed the happy remedy of eating a ton of carbs every evening before going to bed! His partner James is an excellent cook – and disciplinarian – and the regime worked wonders. Not only did Greg begin to gain pounds but found himself for the first time in years able to enjoy food.

So, at this quincanero the guests supplied all sorts of carbs, such as breads with spreads, little zebra cakes made entirely of substances unknown in nature, candies, and a large variety of the best donuts in town. We began with a toast to our skinny fat friend with two bottles of Fat Bastard wine accompanied by a humorous poem penned by his partner extolling a number of the famous fat men of history, including “Tiny” Krueger, a circus fat man who began a Wisconsin state senator. We had planned to force a tube down Greg’s throat as is done with geese, but he was cramming donuts down his gullet so avidly that we didn’t have to use the forcefeeding tube.

Actually, the celebration evinced so much merriment that we forgot our planned pinata, which would have involved beating our honoree with sticks until he began pouring candies – individually wrapped, of course – from every orifice. We had an even grosser orgiastic event planned but abandoned it because there were ladies present as well as women.

[WARNING: This paragraph is rated NC-55 for immature language and excessive grossness. Read at your own risk.] To make up for foregoing those events, one guest told what is undoubtedly a nominee for grossest joke of all time: A vampire comes into a bar and sits on a stool. The bartender asks “your usual?” while turning towards the refrigerator with the packets of blood. “Nah,” says the vampire, “just give me a big cup of steaming hot water.” The bartender sets it before him and asks “why no tumbler of blood on the rocks tonite?” The vampire, pulling a used tampon from his pocket, replies, “Oh, I’m in the mood tonite for a cup of tea.”

[You were warned, remember?] Unfortunately, some of us are not as lucky as Greg. We have to work to keep weight off. I joke with people that, if I eat a piece of Almond Joy, you’ll be able to see the outline of the two almonds show up on my belly a bit later.

So, in my malice and wickedness, I’m hoping that, when Greg reaches his weight goal, he will be so used to stuffing his gut he won’t be able to stop. Then someday we’ll be celebrating – if that’s the right term – his reaching 250 pounds! My only worry is that I might be another honoree.

So I spent this morning surfing the net for exercise equipment. The exercise stairs will be delivered sometime this week. Thanks, Greg, for the inspiration, you fat bastard!

An Exit Plan for Iraq

2007-02-02T11:58:00.000-06:00

I fully expect to be declared a national hero for coming up with this solution to the intractable problem of ending America’s role in the Iraq War with George Bush still in office. I intend to take advantage of one of Smirko bin Busho’s major personality defects and use it against him.

Some of his friends have described how, as a young man, he not only played to win but played until he won, even if he had to change the rules as he goes alone. For example, if he and a friend were playing a game and his friend achieved the 21 points needed to win, Bush would demand that they play to 25 points, then if necessary to 31 points, and so on until he won. Then he would refuse to continue play.

Similarly, if his opponent won best of three games, the young George insisted on three out of five, then five out of seven, and so on. Or he would change a rule that disadvantaged him because of some personal weakness and go on to win under the new rules.

In short, among George W Bush’s many character flaws is this very important one that he just cannot stand to lose and must win at all costs. We have seen this defect at work in Iraq, esp in his latest plan to ‘surge’ more American troops to the tinderbox of Baghdad in order to keep playing until he wins even tho victory is clearly not in the cards.

Now our US Senators are planning a resolution that urges Bush in effect to accept defeat and stop sending more troops. Some even want to tell him that they will refuse to fund any surge troops. Nothing could be calculated to be less effective in ending the war and more effective in enraging Bush to ‘stay the course.’

No, what the US Senate needs to do is to acknowledge that Bush has won the Iraq War and to congratulate him on being able to withdraw our troops as a result. They can acknowledge that he has achieved goal after goal. First, he deposed the hated anti-American dictator. Then, he rid Iraq of weapons of mass destruction. [Yes, there were none, but roughly half the public still thinks there were, and Bush is always ready to believe a useful lie he tells himself or someone tells him about himself.] After that, he established a democratic system of government in Iraq respresenting all the major goups and held a successful election with millions of purple fingers raised by proud first-time voters.

In short, we should tell our magnificent President that he has accomplished all his goals of regime change in Iraq. All that’s left is cleaning up some messes, and that is a job for the Iraqi people – a job they proudly wish to assume so that Americans need no longer die on their behalf.

A Senate resolution along these lines could even piously wish that a monument would be erected to Bush, funded by the grateful American people, showing him trampling on Saddam to the admiration and adoration of mullahs of the Kurd, Whey, and etc persuasions. Bush the winner! Bush the giant-killer! Bush the savior of Iraq!

How could our narcissistic President resist such an approach? Even Veep Cheney couldn’t convince him to decline the honor of winning and to keep fighting. No, we would declare victory, our troops would be withdrawn, and the Cowboy-in-Chief would be hailed as the savior of our nation. And I of course would receive from the hands of the next (Democratic) President my well-deserved Medal of Freedom as the architest of this plan.

Some Addenda to Past Posts

2007-01-31T13:58:00.000-06:00

Checks: I wrote previously on the absurdity of writing out in longhand the dollar amount already specified in Arabic numerals on a check. Since then I have written all my checks with Roman numerals [CLII for $152 etc] on the so-called ‘legal line’. All of those checks have cleared with no problem, and not even my credit union has complained when I write checks to it for my credit card. So, forget that folderol of writing out your alpha-numbers on checks. Instead, just write “as above” and save yourself some time and effort.

Cereal ads: I forgot to mention in my diatribe against small print in TV ads that cereals often make exaggerated claims about lowering your cholesterol. You’ve got to eat two small portions a day of the cereal with a bit of fruit and reduced-fat milk and only one real meal, yet the fine print cautions that the results are available only with “a program of diet and exercise.” Big whoop!

As long as I’m on the subject of cereals, many ads mention that their cereal contains fruit. Of course, it’s dried fruit. Now there’s nothing better with your bowl of breakfast than slices of fresh banana or pieces of fresh peach. But I do like raisins and/or craisins in my cereal at times but won’t buy any breakfast food with the dried fruit already in it. The dry cereal leeches all the moisture from the dried fruit, destroying its softness and taste. Add your own raisins or dried apricots or whatever yourself. They’ll garnish the cereal much better than the dead raisins in a cereal box.

Ellen Hosts the Oscars

2007-01-30T13:08:00.000-06:00

I truly admire creativity, especially in entertainment, where cliché and convention most often rule the day. So, in addition to being pleased that a tuxedo-wearing lesbian will host the Oscars February 25th, I was delighted to read in an ADVOCATE interview with Ellen Degeneres that Oscar acceptance speeches are in for a big change.

These speeches are usually the most boring parts of the celebration. “I want to thank my maternal grandmother who taught me to love drama, my mother who raised me to be disciplined, my director without whom I could never have won this award, . . . . . and, finally, the wonderful crafts service vendor whose yoghurt helped me make it thru each gruelling day of shooting with the energy I needed.” God forbid you should forget to mention your spouse – that’s been known to lead to divorce! [Yes, recall Hilary Swank who failed to mention hubby Chad Lowe.] How deadening and frightful the whole business is.

Ellen has outlined what will be done to change this. She says there will be no music to drag award winners off the stage: “We feel it’s their moment and they should be able to say what they want to say.” But, to avoid the inevitable long list of thank-you’s, the Oscars will upload the winners’ thank-you’s videotaped backstage onto a site “Thank You.com”. Ellen hopes this will “encourage people to actually speak from their heart instead of making a list.”

For the first time in years, I’m actually looking forward to the Oscars, which I usually watch to see the various video presentations on movie-making and movie-makers as well as the film and music clips, while dreading the speechifying. Now I anticipate that the winners’ speeches may contain some entertaining wit and wisdom. Let’s hope the changes work to that end.

Modern Technology: Boon or Bane?

2007-01-29T16:13:00.000-06:00

A few days back I lost my internet access. I spent about 8 hours with cable company techies over the phone trying unsuccessfully to resolve the problem, and finally on Saturday my personal savior came. He was supposed to arrive between 1:00 and 5:00 but didn’t show til after 6:00. He ran about the house from my computer room to the cellar and then outside. Then two other cable trucks and their techies arrived. This event sent a frisson of anxiety up my spine. Was the problem so difficult that it would elude the expertise of three repairmen?

The three began running about the house and street, at one point spending so much time in the cellar I feared they were trying to dig up bodies buried there [not that I have ever buried anyone there, of course, all my jokes about my dungeon torture chamber notwithstanding!]. After many such scramblings about, they triumphantly reentered the house with the announcement that the problem had been fixed. The culprit was a gadget the size of a shotgun shell that had malfunctioned in performing its job of filtering to my home only the services I purchase from the cable company.

A gadget the size of a shotgun shell sitting on a pole in the street! One that eluded the competence of multiple IT phone support personnel for several days and that of three onsite techies for several hours. When you think of every little thing that can go wrong with almost any of our modern technologies, sometimes you have to wonder if it’s all worth it.

Do these wondrous inventions improve our productivity, or do we merely redirect the time we gain from them to learning about and maintaining them? Or do they just give us new abilities that we find we now ‘need’ as essential when we hadn’t even dreamed of them a mere 20 years ago?

Think too of all the ‘labor-saving’ devices developed in the twentieth century to help with the housekeeping: hot and cold running water, central heating, sinks and toilets with drains, washing machines and dryers, dishwashers, frozen foods, and so on. Ask almost any woman if these have really made her life better. I suspect that these machines take plenty of time to maintain and repair and, worse yet, require two earners in the house to afford them.

So quit that job and go back to pounding your clothes on the riverbank or scrubbing them on a washboard, all you housekeepers! You’d probably be just as well off. Or is that conclusion just my curmudgeony self overreacting to a time-consuming and aggravating technological problem?

Snowy Day

2007-01-29T15:43:00.000-06:00

I wish I could say I had taken the marvelous photo above [click on it to enlarge], but the moment was caught by an acquaintance. It perfectly captures the calm, pleasant cold, and B&W diffuse brightness of a day where everything is covered by a blanket of snow. Now that we have finally had some snow here in Madison, I thought the time was ripe to share this pic. Enjoy.

Old Sayings -- New Addenda

2007-01-22T15:50:00.000-06:00

Millions for defense, not one penny for tribute. Except at incumbents’ fundraisers.

Haste makes waste. But you still get a lot of garbage if you take the packaging off slowly.

A stitch in time saves nine. Unless it’s a Microsoft product, then, no matter what you do and when, you’re screwed.

Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. And the rest of us are doomed to watch them do it.

Give me liberty or give me death. And if I’m free to smoke, I get both!

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he’ll eat every day. Then he’ll die of mercury poisoning.

Honor thy father and thy mother. Put them in a nice nursing home.

Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Boy, does that feel great!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass nor thy neighbor’s wife. That covers gays and str8s.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Ten Sunnis for a Shiite.

Four score and ten years ago. Whenever the hell that was.

Don’t tread on me. I’m squishy.

When in Rome, do as the Romans. When in Wisconsin, eat cheese or die.

TV Ads -- Beware the Fine Print

2007-01-21T18:11:00.000-06:00

If you’re anything like me, you chuckle at the part in the prescription drug ads where someone quickly runs down the caveats: “If you are a crack cocaine addict or habitual masturbator, be sure to tell your doctor before taking Suspiria. People who are taking prepropadeutic drugs, have ever committed suicide, are allergic to ectoplasm, or experience bleeding during menstrual periods should not take Suspiria.”

Silly as these sound, sometimes I wish other commercials were required to do something similar. Instead, they confine those little caveatish details to the fine print at the bottom of the screen where they’re hard to read, esp given the short time they appear.

Watch almost any car ad where the vehicle rounds a treacherous corner at high speed wonderfully hugging the pavement. Inevitably, below it the fine print will read: “Closed course. Professional driver. Do not attempt.” Well, geez, fellas, if I’m not supposed to take advantage of the very features that make the car so seductively attractive, why should I buy it?! The last screen of the ad shows a spiffy car and the legend: "Starts at $12.500." The fine print at the bottom reads: "$15,950 with optional items as shown."

And then there’s all those ads for diet supplements. Every single picture of a fatty who lost 37 pounds and 4 inches off the waist in three weeks is accompanied in the bottom right hand corner by a reduced-size “Results not typical.” At the bottom of the final page where you are offered two – yes, two bottles! – of the supplement for the price of one, you will find a disclaimer that the product has never been evaluated by the FDA and the vendor makes no claims about its efficacy!

Among all the shills for near-magical kitchen products, late-nite TV watchers encounter an ad by a Roni Deutsch professing to be a lawyer who can solve all your problems with the IRS for “pennies on the dollar.” Accompanying her claim are testimonials from satisfied clients who affirm that their lives escaped ruin by the IRS due to Roni’s efforts. Featured in large numbers are the amounts the IRS wanted to wring from the poor taxpayer and how little he/she paid due to Ms Deutsch's intervention. Running along the bottom of the last few screens are statements that you may never see Ms Deutsch but another lawyer instead, that she is not certified as a tax law specialist in any state, and that you should choose a lawyer based on credentials and experience, not on claims made and client testimonials. Shades of Ms Cleo of Psychic Hotline fame! In all fairness, Ms Deutsch does not wear a turban to help her look authentic.

Yesterday I encountered the sneakiest and most dastardly TV ad fine print yet. A commercial promises that you too can own a fancy computer – along with a free printer, camera, and year’s worth of high speed internet access – for small monthly payments. Shown is a young woman using the computer and expressing her gratitude that the advertiser made it possible for her to afford it. Unfortunately, neither the total price, the size of the payments, not the payment amounts are mentioned, but you are assured you can even skip a payment without any penalty! Where do I get mine? Whoops, I just noticed four or five lines of fine print on the last page that disappeared so fast I couldn’t manage to read anything but the first few words: “This is a layaway plan.”

Today's Photos: Maurice in Winter

2007-01-17T13:35:00.000-06:00

My kitty Maurice is covered with rainbows from light coming thru the faceted glass in the living room window. He is obviously quite nonchalant about it, tho humans tend to find it way cool. Does wearing a rainbow mean he's gay? Well, he's been 'fixed', so who knows? He is pretty friendly with the next door cat Joe, even tho he generally doesn't get along with other kitties.

There's nothing Maurice likes better on a cold winter day than watching the world go by as he sits comfortably warming in the sun, enjoying the life of a pampered house-cat.

Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory

2007-01-16T12:46:00.000-06:00

As an adolescent and young man, my optometrists always told me I would see a bit better with glasses, but I would probably be taking them on and off too often to make them worthwhile. In my mid-20s tho, I finally had to get glasses and was shocked and pleased at seeing the glory of the world so much better.

I remember the first day I wore them to the school where I taught, an older woman who worked in the library came up to where I was sitting, put her elbows on the table, and stuck her face right into mine. I gave a startled look, and she laughed "You never realized what people's complexions really looked like, did you?" No, I hadn't, but then again I hadn't known either that a tree viewed from across the street should have individual leaves and not just be a big mass of greenery.

As I've aged, I progressed to bifocals -- and immediately fell into a busy rush-hour street! -- and later to trifocals. Oh, grief! But people in olden days didn't need glasses like we do because of our reading and driving. And now I'm sure TV and computer screens make clear vision even more important. So we need to be grateful for those spectacles perched on our noses.

My eyes changed almost annually until about five years ago. But a few months ago, I began seeing less clearly, esp in my left eye, and finally went back for an eye exam. My eyeball hadn't changed enough to warrant new glasses, but he gave me the news that I have rapidly developing cataracts! You hear about them from other people but don't realize that the percentage of people who get them rises dramatically with age. They're almost inevitable. So here I am with uncorrected blurry vision and not enjoying it.

Unfortunately, cataracts need to 'mature' before they can be surgically removed. It sounds so scary to have a surgeon go into your eye and remove your opaque lens and replace it with an artificial one, but the operation is now routine. One advantage is that many people don't need to wear glasses afterwards or need less correction than before. I'll just have to wait to see what happens.

In the meantime, as I have said so many times before: Aging -- I just can't recommend it. Keep that Dorian Gray-like portrait in the attic, folks, and stay as young as you can!

Today's Photo -- Cat Altar

2006-12-10T16:42:00.000-06:00

This kitsch shelf in my living-room [click photo to enlarge] has developed over time into a 'cat altar' as various statues of cats have been added. Some I purchased; others were given as gifts. The center -- and the first image I bought - is that of Bastet, the ancient Egyptian cat goddess, the divine patron of joy and celebration . Notice that, due to an unfortunate accident, Bastet wears as a purse the sistrum or musical rattle which she is supposed to hold in her hand.

Under Bastet is a little bowl of appropriate offerings such as a mouse and ball. On the bottom on her two sides are Egyptian guardians: another cat and the sacred cattle Tutankowman. Bastet is surrounded by other images of cats and a few Native American items as 'filler.' Most recent is the gray porcelain cat on the right which was left on my doorstep by an anonymous admirer the other day.

Today's Quotes

2006-12-10T16:10:00.000-06:00

Mark L Early, former attorney general of Virginia:
We have 2.3 million Americans in prison today; 700,000 of them will get out of prison this coming year. Many inmates come out of prison much more antisocial than when they came in.

Garrison Keillor on Prairie Home Companion on food labelling and bans:
When it comes to fat, I believe in “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Kofi Annan, UN Secretary-General:
The problem is not the Koran or the Torah or the Bible. Indeed, I have often said that the problem is never the faith, it is the faithful and how they behave toward each other.

Kerr Mudgeon, bloggist:
Saddam Hussein never let al-Qaeda get a strong foothold in Iraq. It took George Bush to do that.

Today's Photo: Winterscape

2006-12-06T15:52:00.000-06:00

Twilight view of Lake Monona from my dining-room window.
[Click pic to enlarge.]

Today's Cartoon -- Star of WalMart

2006-11-30T13:05:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-22T18:16:00.000-06:00

Our Thanksgiving turkey comes to you courtesy of my friend Philip. [Click pics to enlarge.] Like me, he feels that the US shouldn't have taken the eagle -- already used by many other nations -- for our national symbol but should have adopted the peaceable turkey, as Ben Franklin suggested. Better a vegetarian scavenger than a carrion-eating raptor.

All you liberal Democrats -- OK, and moderates too -- give thanks!

Why Can't Democrats Keep their Feet out of their Mouths?

2006-11-20T11:57:00.000-06:00

First we had the fiasco of Sen John Kerry botching a joke. GOPsters used it for weeks to paint Democrats as unpatriotic opponents of our troops in Iraq. This sort of thing, tho unfortunate, is a fact of life in contemporary politics. So politicians must beware of ‘misspeaking' and risking damage to themselves and their party.

So I was startled when Senator Harry Reid, new Majority Leader in the Senate, made just such a faux pas. Describing his close and cooperative relationship with Nevada’s other senator, Republican John Ensign, he remarked: “It’s not a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ situation.” While I’m sure Reid was making a well-intentioned joke, his words could easily be misinterpreted: “We’re just friends, not closeted fags.” Fortunately, no gay advocacy group has chosen to accuse Reid of homophobia. Still, I have to wonder: how could he be so careless?

And then NY Democrat Charles Rangel, chair of the House Ways and Means Committee, gave a shocking performance Sunday on CBS’ “Face the Nation.” He proposed reinstating the draft! Not only do most Americans reject the draft, but the proposal paints Rangel as a proponent of a larger military and of war. Rangel’s proposal gave GOP Sen Lindsey Graham the opportunity to appear moderate and more in tune with the public by supporting the all-voluntary military.

Why would an important Democrat be making such an imprudent statement right after the Dems have won Congressional majorities on a platform of ending our foreign wars? Rangel should have first discussed it with the Dem leadership in the House or even the whole caucus. I’m not suggesting that a Democrat should never dare to make a statement without party approval, but surely no Dem should take it upon himself to make such a major proposal that runs counter to the party’s and the electorate’s stance.

Democrats are always accused of being fractious and lacking in unity and party discipline. Shenanigans like Rangel’s demonstrate this is still the case. He and other free-range politicos need to submit themselves to the party, esp when the Dems could solidify national support by getting behind some good proposals to address our most pressing issues.

Today's Recipe: Fruit & Greens Salad

2006-11-18T21:45:00.000-06:00

Place a handful of mesclun or other greens on a salad dish [not bowl]. Add 1-2 slices of purple onion, with the rings separated. Add 2-3 slices of seedless orange cut into quarters. Top with raspberry vinaigrette of your choice.

All-Purpose Answer to your Questions

2006-11-18T18:24:00.000-06:00

I have several friends who respond to almost any question whose answer they don't know with the same suggestion made by the woman above. Believe it or not, I asked Google a question today, and it didn't have a single document on the subject! I feel so betrayed.

The answer-sources before Google had their limitations too. A seeker after enlightenment once arduously climbed to the top of a mountain to ask the hermit guru who dwelt there in a small cave: "Master, do you know the meaning of life?" To which the Master: "No, but if you hum the first few bars, I'll fake the rest."

Bring back the Encyclopedia Britannica! (Eleventh edition, of course.)

Today's Quotes -- The Weaker Sex

2006-11-16T12:37:00.000-06:00

Dr Robert Tan, a geriatrics specialist in Houston:
It's not that we 'could be' the weaker sex - we are the weaker sex. Even when men and women have the same disease, we often find that men are more likely to die.

Madison, Wis, Capital Times editorial:
Boys' learning abilities mature later than girls; consequently, boys enter school behind girls in reading and writing ability. That means the recent emphasis on early learning, before boys are prepared, leads to more boys disengaging from school.

In addition, boys need more hands-on experience and visual stimuli to learn. But schools are generally organized so that students sit at desks and listen. And boys are more impulsive and physical, but schools have cut recess time and demanded more discipline.

Republicans Remain Spin-Masters

2006-11-16T12:27:00.000-06:00

All politicians try to spin the news of the day to their advantage, but – as with lying – the GOP has raised spin to a high art. Senator Trent Lott, former GOP leader deposed for making indiscreet remarks at Strom Thurmond’s 100th birthday party, was elected to the post of minority whip yesterday, winning with only one more vote than his opponent.

“One thing that this proves is that the United States Senate, like the American public, likes a comeback story,” said Lott’s opponent, Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander. Arizona Senator John McCain added: “We all believe in redemption, thank God.” Think too of how heavily the GOP jumped on a botched joke by Sen John Kerry – not even a candidate this election – to tar the Democrats once again as failing “to support our troops.”

Meanwhile, Democrats in the House engaged in a heated contest between two candidates for Majority Whip. They finally chose Rep Steny Hoyer of Maryland by a substantial margin over Rep John Murtha, favored by Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

The GOP response was predictable. “I can’t believe they are self-destructing before they even get started,” said Illinois GOP Rep Ray LaHood. “Everyone on our side is giddy.” To make matters worse, California Democratic Rep Ellen Tauscher complained during the race: “It’s four days that we haven’t talked about our message and built on the euphoria. We had such perfect pitch last week.”

Now that the elections are over, Democrats continue to point fingers and make recriminations. Larry Gates of Kansas commented: “This is what we Democrats do. A little bit of success, and we start to fight.” Donald Fowler of South Carolina wailed: “We’re nuts! We’re all nuts!”

Democrats have got to learn to stop washing their dirty linen in public. They need to line up together once decisions are made. They must win the PR battle to prove to Americans that they can set Congress on a new, better direction. To do so, they must learn the virtues of party discipline and the art of spin if they are going to keep the GOP from successfully painting their achievements as failures.

Another View of Gay Marriage

2006-11-16T12:03:00.000-06:00

The South African Parliament -- on a continent whose people tend to be viciously anti-gay -- just approved marriage for gays/lesbians, joining a select group of only four other nations that have done so. Melanie Judge, program manager for gay advocacy group OUT, claimed: “This has been a litmus test of our constitutional values. It forced us to consider: What does equality really mean? What does it look like? Equality does not exist on a sliding scale.”

Welcome to our Church! Sorta.

2006-11-15T10:49:00.000-06:00

“Welcome to St Contradictorius’ Church, sir. Even tho we maintain that you’re ‘intrinsically disordered’, we want you to know that ‘nonpracticing’ homosexuals may come here, but we ask that you stay in the closet and, please, do not cruise the altar-boys. Thanks.”

That’s the gist of the US Catholic Bishops brand-new – or should I say warmed-over? – “Ministry to Persons with a Homosexual Inclination.” Not only must gays be told that they have to be celibate, they must be informed that even adoption of children by gay people is wrong. Still, the church “opposes all forms of discrimination” against gay people.

Wow, that sure makes a guy/gal feel like a first-class citizen in the church! To show you just how out of touch the sex-deprived white-haired old men who wrote this document are, one bishop dubbed it “an overwhelmingly positive tool for ministering to a group of Catholics who may feel unwelcome in the church.” No shit, your Excellency! The document itself claims that its doctrines offer gays a way to “live in authentic human integrity.” By rejecting their deepest reality!

But gays shouldn’t take all this too personally or regard themselves as singled out for condemnation. Other guidelines insist that divorced and remarried couples refrain from communion. Couples who use contraception are sinning gravely. Women called to the priesthood are self-deceived. Married men must settle for the diaconate, as their carnal contact with women renders them unfit to become priests. There is nothing ‘authentic’ in any of these approaches to human sexuality.

Most of these folks simply ignore ‘church teaching’ when it contradicts our current understanding of the human person as bolstered by the modern social sciences. Gays too can do the same and be out and proud in their parishes.

Or, better yet, they can recognize that Holy Mother Church is an abusive parent and find spiritual homes that support instead of condemn their personal reality. Wherever they go, they will probably find plenty of 'recovering Catholics' and maybe even an ex-Catholic woman as their pastor!

A Bird Story

2006-11-14T09:48:00.000-06:00

A bird-loving friend of mine and I long ago concluded that all bird stories end the same. This one is no different.

A month back when the weather was still warm enough to make sitting out comfortable, I was reading a magazine on my front porch when I heard screeching above me. Looking up, I saw a myriad of gulls flying about at different altitudes, continually stroking their wings up and down to ride the strong wind currents.

In the midst of them all was a hawk – some sort of buteo that my birder friends will jibe at me for not identifying, but it didn’t get close enough for me to see if its legs were rough or its tail red – a hawk that effortlessly and without moving its wings managed to remain stationary for a long time. It looked magnificent below the crowd of busy and rapidly moving gulls.

Then suddenly it broke its suspension in the air and, with a flash of wings in the late afternoon light, flew down and off. While all this was going on, groups of ducks took off in rudimentary formations from the lake and climbed high into the south.

So I was confronted by these three contrasting bird groups of swooping gulls, floating hawk, and climbing ducks. What a wondrous sight! I sat there thinking sentimentally how blessed I was to share in its glory when I suddenly felt something wet on my bare forearm. Looking down, I immediately realized what the white splatter was. Reality rudely ended my romantic communion with the beauties of nature.

Actually, I got off rather easy. Mother Nature doesn’t have a sentimental protein molecule in her ecosystems. Admire the beauties of the day as much as you like, but you still may be blown away by a tornado some day. Enjoy the serenity of a desert landscape, and you will soon espy from the corner of your eye a scorpion scuttling toward you. Like all gods, Mother Nature wants us not only to worship and love her but to hold her in awe and even regard her at times with terror.

Wisconsin Reacts to the Election

2006-11-13T10:57:00.000-06:00

[Click pics to enlarge.] On the left, two secular humanist leftists look for the new day without war and political corruption promised by the Democrats. On the right (naturally), a disappointed Evangelical matron makes her way sadly to Sunday church to ask "why, o Lord, why hast thou abandoned thy people?"

Good News on Iraq?

2006-11-13T10:19:00.000-06:00

Even before the election, President Bush jettisoned “staying the course.” In September Bush-43 appointed Bush-41's old crony Jim Baker and a former Democratic Congressman to set up an Iraq Study Group to do his work for him and recommend some way out of the morass.

Then the day after the election, the President dismissed -- whoops! sorry! -- "accepted the resignation of" his blundering Sec’y of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. We will no longer have to go to war with the "only Defense Sec'y we have instead of the one we want"! Now word comes that the Joint Chiefs have created a team of the military’s “brightest and most innovative” officers to take a look at Iraq, Afghanistan, and fighting terrorism in general. More help is on the way, George!

Now that Democrats will control both houses of Congress, incoming majority leader Sen Harry Reid has said that “the first order of business” in January will be to reinvigorate Congressional scrutiny of the executive branch, with a focus on Iraq. Action may even come on some oversight issues in the lame-duck session. A bipartisan group of legislators wants to restore the Inspector General for Iraq, who looks into issues of waste and corruption in contracting.

A GOP senator inserted a 'stealth' clause into a military authorization bill that sunsetted the Inspector, who was causing too much trouble for Halliburton and its corrupt ilk. And it has now come to light that the GOP chair of the House Appropriations Committee unilaterally dismissed all 60 of the investigative staff hired to track spending abuses. Democrats will no doubt try to reverse that too. President Bush's Xmas goose should be very well cooked!

Right after the election, Senator Carl Levin of Michigan, incoming chair of the Armed Services Committee, announced he intends to sponsor a resolution describing the requirements for a continued military commitment to Iraq and some specified period of time for its duration. Now, Levin and other Dem leaders are saying they want a phased withdrawal to start within 4-6 months.

Unfortunately, Democrats have already conceded that, out of deference to Bush’s role as commander in chief, they would not take the step of cutting off money for operations in Iraq. Sooner or later, they may be forced to do just that. Otherwise, they will have failed the citizenry that gave them a mandate to end the Iraq mess.

Today's Cartoon -- Two Asses

2006-11-12T14:03:00.000-06:00

Bipartisanship: An ass's head with an elephant's ass! Hoo-boy, I can't wait to watch this critter try to move forward.

Why Feingold Won't Run

2006-11-12T13:55:00.000-06:00

Sen Russ Feingold (D-Wis) today ended speculation about his running for President in 2008. Now that the Democrats have taken over the Senate, Feingold claims he'd rather concentrate on his work in Congress, particularly to undo “the damage one-party rule has done” and “advance progressive solutions” to major issues. He also recognizes that he would be a long-shot and his underdog status would "dismantle" his work in the Senate and his family life.

Much as many progressives would like to see him run, the good Senator has made the right decision because he is, frankly, unelectable. Senator Feingold has a hard-won reputation for being right on fundamental issues and speaking the truth about them. Long before others, he saw the problems that Iraq would present us, and he at times fought alone to prevent gutting the Bill of Rights in the name of fighting terrorism.

Unfortunately, even tho people have come to agree with Feingold, the one thing the public simply cannot abide is a politician who is undoubtedly smarter and braver than they are. Voting for a politician who has been consistently ahead of the citizenry is to admit your own failings, esp if you originally rah-rah’d the President on Iraq and conceded that forfeiting a few rights to get those terrorists was OK.

No, a politican that is right too often and too outspokenly is “rigid” and “doctrinaire.” He will lack the “ability to compromise” and the “flexibility” required of an effective politician. So we have the oddity of a public that wants leaders to stand for something and to speak forthrightly and honestly yet votes instead for wafflers and weasels.

I'm Not Superstitious, but . .

2006-11-11T19:50:00.000-06:00

Late last year I surveyed my few wine glasses and found them wanting. Short, thick-stemmed, heavy-walled, with mold-lines and big rounded lips, they were everything a wine glass ought not to be.

So, with malice aforethought, I explained this situation to a close friend. He, being no fool, knew exactly what was expected of him. So, on Christmas, I was surprised, amazed, and delighted to receive a number of fine wine glasses from him. “Thank you for your thoughtfulness.” They came in two varieties -- slender for white wines, and wide-mouthed for reds. Who knew that two kinds of wine glasses were needed? Certainly not I. Now I knew. And had them too!

These glasses possessed all the qualities that an object worthy of the name ‘stemware’ should have: tall, with copious capacity, ever-so-slender stems, and smooth thin walls with delicate lips. Everyone loves to look at them and even more to use them -- to sip their white wine from a slender cup or their red wine from a rounded cup to help savor the fine aroma.

Unfortunately, these glasses have one drawback. They are fragile; I am clumsy. Everytime I wash one, a frisson of fear runs along my spine at the thought of one shattering as I push my hand into it, and several times that fear has come to fruition. (That’s a fancy way of saying clumsy me broke some of the damn things.)

Now, I try to avoid superstitions, credulous belief in the paranormal, and all such forms of quackery and poor judgment as aromatherapy, homeopathy, string theory, macroeconomic models, and Academy Awards. So I was quite shocked by the behavior of one of my wine glasses last week. I washed it ever so carefully and avoided cracking it. Whew! I placed it steadily on a firm spot in the drying rack. I continued washing the other dishes, when, out of the corner of my eye, I observed the glass suddenly hurl itself up and over the side of the rack and shatter upon the floor!

A poltergeist? I don’t like to think so. Some jumping-bean-like quality inserted by the manufacturer to help sell replacement product? Probably not. A glass wilfully proclaiming its disdain for me and my plebeian taste in wines, which runs to Zin for me and cheap Merlot for guests? Perhaps.

What, oh what, should I think of the glass’ behavior? I really don’t know, and it bothers me. The only thing I'm sure of is that I’m out one more wine-glass!

Gays Weep, Rejoice at Elections

2006-11-08T23:44:00.000-06:00

Eight states, including Wisconsin, had on their ballots some sort of constitutional amendment forbidding gay marriage. With high hopes that a number of these anti-gay amendments would go down to defeat, gays are disappointed that seven of them passed easily. Only in Arizona did the measure fail with a razor-thin margin. In Colorado, a companion measure establishing domestic partnerships for gay/lesbian couples was also defeated, tho by a relatively small margin.

I think that voters were in a mean mood. Nothing motivates people more than anger. That anger against Bush's malfeasance and Iraq mess led the Republicans to defeat, but voters seem to have taken their anger out on 'uppity' gays as well.

Here in Wisconsin, the only county in which the amendment failed was Dane [Madison], which rejected it by a 2-1 margin. Unfortunately, the votes in Milwaukee needed to help Dane offset out-state voters didn't materialize. The large number of blacks in Milwaukee vote Democratic, but the black community -- especially conservative church-goers -- tend to be very anti-gay. I have to wonder how a group so oppressed can be so negative to another oppressed group.

The marriage amendments brought from 20 to 26 the number of states with DOMA [Defense of Marriage acts/amendments] in their constitutions. However, this batch of amendments typically passed by much smaller margins than the previous 20. This fact, plus the Arizona defeat, may mean the marriage amendment movement is coming to an end.

Even tho a majority of states now have such bans, those states comprise, acc to my calculations, only 35% of the US population. And movement towards either marriage or civil unions are making headway in New Jersey, New York, California, and elsewhere. I am particularly happy that the major groups backing the Wisconsin ban have announced they will now fight to repeal 'no fault' divorce. Let straight couples see what it's like to have their rights attacked for a change!

Now that Democrats control both chambers in Congress, gays must pressure them to repeal "don't ask, don't tell" and to pass a gay civil rights bill. Even the GOP-controlled Senate came within one vote last year of passing it. Passage by both houses should be possible now, esp if gays lay a nice big guilt trip on all them newly elected liberals! Federal DOMA repeal will have to wait until the gay community has had more time and success in educating the citizenry.

A number of enemies of gays were defeated. Sen Rick "gay marriage threatens my own" Santorum went down to resounding defeat. Here in Wisconsin, the anti-gay (and not very bright) Assembly Speaker John Gard lost his bid for a US House seat and will now be looking for a job. I'd say it couldn't happen to a nicer guy if State Senator Dave "God, gays, and guns" Zien hadn't also been dethroned for his crazy motorcycle antics and looney politics.

Perhaps best of all, more gay officials were elected throughout the country. The Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund reported that 67 Fund-endorsed candidates had won their contests, including 37 new g/l officials. Legislatures in Alabama, Arkansas, and Oklahoma will have their first openly g/l members, and only 13 states now have no acknowledged g/l lawmakers.

Overall, in spite of the disappointment of losing DOMA battles, gays can take some comfort in the resurgence of Democrats all across the country and the election of more openly g/l officials.

Now I'm going to sleep for a couple days, so don't expect any posts here soon!

Vote NO on the Amendment

2006-11-06T22:30:00.000-06:00

Wisconsin's ballots today include a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and civil unions. Seven other states have similar amendments up for approval today: Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, and Virginia. There are lots of good reasons to reject these amendments, but let me mention just two important ones.

Do you really want to write discrimination into your state constitution? Such documents historically have been amended only to broaden rights, not to restrict them. What a horrible precedent these amendments are.

Do you oppose gay marriage but agree that gay couples should have some rights like those of married couples? If so, you are among the majority of US citizens. These amendments outlaw any significant rights for gay couples, and that's not what you want. Besides, people are still thinking these issues over, opinions are changing everyday, and it's just not timely to amend state constitutions in the absence of consensus.

Political Philosophies -- You Have Two Cows

2006-11-06T13:15:00.000-06:00

[Click pic to enlarge.]

DEMOCRAT -- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You contribute to programs for the poor.

REPUBLICAN -- You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So??! You go to church and pray for him.

SOCIALIST -- You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. The cow gives only sour milk.

CAPITALIST INVESTOR -- You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. Due to oversupply, the price of milk plummets. You have to sell the cows at a loss and are bankrupted.

AMERICAN AG CORP -- You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATE FARM -- You have millions of cows. Most are illegals. Ahnuld likes the ones with big udders, so he lets them stay.

FRENCH FARMER -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three. Your cows go on strike too. They demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN FARMER -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN FARMER -- You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. Now you count seven cows. You drink more vodka because nobody will milk them for you.

POLISH COOPERATIVE FARM -- You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

SLOVAK DAIRY FARM -- You have two cows. You don’t bother pulling their teats. Instead, you yell at them to give milk. When they don’t, you yell louder. When that doesn’t work, you leave the barn madder than hell. The cows die of starvation.

TALIBAN FARM COOP -- You have both of the cows in Afghanistan. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons to fight US troops.

Why Vote for a Democratic Congress?

2006-11-05T23:47:00.000-06:00

The citizenry is nearly unanimous these days in judging George Bush’s conduct in office as incompetent and destructive to our country’s well-being. Yet the President has been able to do what he wants over the past six years because of an exceptionally compliant, if not obeisant, GOP Congress.

Yes, it is true that the Democrats do not have uniform responses to Bush's policy failures, but that doesn’t really matter that much. What is important is to stop the President at this point from doing more damage. A Democratic Congress will put Bush’s feet to the fire for the Iraq mess by refusing to provide the funds for further pursuit of the war unless he comes up with some sort of satisfactory withdrawal plan.

Similarly, a Democratic majority in both House and Senate could keep the President from furthering his agenda of further reducing taxes for the rich, degrading the environment, allowing our health care funding system to collapse, and so on. Winning in only the House would be useful but would require some degree of compromise with the GOP Senate to get legislation passed. And a Democratic takeover of the Senate would give moderates and liberals a veto over Bush’s doctrinaire conservative appointments to the federal courts.

So get out there and vote for Democratic Representatives and Senators on Tuesday!

Public Finds Election Ads Repulsive

2006-11-05T23:09:00.000-06:00

I suspect you have found the TV ads for this year’s election campaigns both nasty and irrelevant. I received from a civic group a one-pager summarizing the experience and positions of each of the candidates, and that one page contained more useful information on which to base my vote than all the stupid campaign ads I’ve been barraged with on TV.

The ads against Gov Doyle have been particularly contemptible. Some group claiming to be for “American families” has claimed that Indian pacts he negotiated resulted from contributions by the tribes. No mention is made that those compacts increased the funds paid by the Indians to the state by unprecedented amounts. Contributions by companies that won contracts are taken as signs of corruption too, yet nearly all these contracts are awarded on a nonpolitical competitive basis.

The ads against Rep Baldwin have mostly concentrated on a supposed vote against punishing sex offenders who move across state lines and fail to report to the new state. Tho Baldwin has run response ads reporting her actual votes and the support of law enforcement groups, her opponent continues to run the erroneous ads. Besides, just how big of an issue is this on which to base a campaign for Congress?

Ads against AG candidate Falk tout her lack of prosecutorial experience. The Attorney General’s office typically handles civil cases and gives advice to other branches of gov’t and represents them in court. So the charge is irrelevant. Her legal experience as public intervenor and asst AG, along with her administrative experience as Dane County Executive, better fit that post than her opponent’s experience as a District Attorney.
I could continue to detail these ads, but you’ve seen them all yourself.

There have been some offensive Democratic ads as well, but the Republican ads are really sleazy and misleading. Yet the GOP continues to run them – and to use front organizations with high-sounding names – in the hope of making their lies stick thru repetition.

One pundit reported his wife saying to him: “I don’t know how you can feel good about voting. It’s more like voting for an advertising campaign than for a candidate.”

Bishop Morlino Shakes His Fist

2006-11-04T23:41:00.000-06:00

For those who pass over churchy stuff in the news or who live outside Wisconsin, let me explain that Robert Morlino is the bishop of our Roman Catholic diocese. [Click pic to enlarge.] Never known for subtlety or nuance, the good bishop outdid himself last week by twisting his inadequate intellect into knots in discussing some public policy issues and by metaphorically raising his fist to his people and priests.

In a public letter and a recorded homily he commands be played this Sunday at all churches, Morlino maintains that the issues he deals with – marriage, the death penalty, and stem cell research – “are not tenets of our 'faith' we are defending. They are universal truths, based on reason alone."

Of course, if they’re not matters of faith but of reason, Morlino has no right to demand attention from his ‘flock’ nor obedience from his priests. When it comes to reason, the most you can do is try to convince, not to demand assent. And Morlino isn’t very convincing.

Let’s take his statement on marriage: “Because it is defined by the natural law, no one, not the Church and not the State, has the right to redefine marriage as anything but one man and one woman, one lifetime, with openness to children.” The Church may have its own standards for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, but the State has always made its own laws about marriage: what its rights and responsibilities are, how old you have to be, whether couples can divorce and under what conditions, and so on.

Civil marriage obviously can and does differ from sacred matrimony. Reality simply trumps the bishop’s claims of an unchangeable definition. In fact, ‘no-fault divorce,’ which became the civil norm in the 70s, is arguably the biggest change ever made to the “life-long” character of marriage. And contraception is universally legal these days.

I expect that Catholics in the area will listen to their bishop respectfully and then vote their own conscience, not his. Catholic laity are used to picking and choosing among the dictates of their hierarchs whom they no longer trust.

Morlino has undoubtedly done the greatest damage in his relationship with his clergy, who have never had good reason to trust his benevolence. Yet these are his exact words: "I must make it very clear that any verbal or non-verbal expression of disagreement with this teaching on the part of the priest will have to be considered by myself as an act of disobedience, which could have serious consequences." How incredibly ham-fisted!

Catholic clergy currently operate under heavy burdens. Their numbers have suffered attrition due to men leaving the priesthood, deaths, and the decline in new ordinands. So the duties falling on the shoulders of these elderly men are getting ever more demanding. Tried and tested tho these pastors are, RC priests are subject to suspicion because of the tarring brush of the clergy sexual abuse scandals. Priests have never needed the fraternal and pastoral support of their bishops as they do now, yet Morlino has no compunction in raising his fist to them instead.

This is no pastor, but a self-important martinet. For shame, bishop Morlino!

Today's Photos -- Toads

2006-11-04T17:22:00.000-06:00

My friend Philip took these wonderful pics of toads in his yard. They look so solemn and authoritative, yet bloated and foolish. [PS: Placing these toads here in my blog is obviously not related to the two articles before and after, on Geo W Bush and Bishop Robert Morlino.]

Why I'm Voting Republican next Tuesday

2006-11-02T23:50:00.000-06:00

Mid-term elections are often a referendum on how well the President is doing, and this is certainly true in 2006. So I am voting GOP to express my unwavering support for President George W Bush and his foreign and domestic policies.

Bush has gotten us into two foreign entanglements [OK, wars, if you must] that have angered our allies as well as our traditional enemies. They have even aggravated the peoples and their leaders in the countries he’s liberated. Somebody that unpopular has got to be doing something right! In this case, protecting us from terrorism by doing so abroad rather than here at home. I don’t want a Congress that tries to take over the commander-in-chief’s job but instead one that supports the leader of the free world and our troops unreservedly in wartime, as all true patriots ought.

Bush’s domestic policies have been even more successful with a GOP Congress. He and they have refused to raise the minimum wage for the undeserving poor and let more of them lose their access to health care to motivate them to work harder. He won't let the nanny state rescue NOLA’s corrupt politicians and shiftless citizens from the cruel effects of Hurricane Katrina. As a scion of a wealthy family, he believes in personal responsibility and has devoted his life to public service since proving unsuccessful in business.

He has cut taxes, esp for the rich, since their capital is what drives the roaring economy whose benefits trickle down to all of us. Yet he hasn’t cut any essential programs just to avoid deficits. He understands that long-term debt doesn't have to hurt the country. All it would take is a nice bout of inflation to reduce our national debt to a sustainable level.

All politicians lie and steal to some extent, but he and his GOP minions have raised those practices to a high art. He stole two elections and repeats simple misleading slogans. Like any good leader, he knows the citizenry “can’t handle the truth” and needs to be fed pabulum. This communication strategy keeps them lined up behind their officials who have more information and know better what unpopular policies must be pursued.

I hope you will consider all these facts about Bush and his approaches to governing and will vote the way you should on Tuesday. And remember, as he said about our sacred freedom-fighters in Iraq after they were insulted by Kerry, you know he’s “plenty smart.”

Happy Halloween Again!

2006-10-31T23:28:00.000-06:00

Toby the Medieval Maiden and Mr Booperson trust you gave all the trick-or-treaters who came to your door some better treats than the awful stuff that horrible Kerr Mudgeon suggested yesterday.

Retorts to a Crabby Friend

2006-10-31T18:48:00.000-06:00

So what's your problem today? Strategic planning session? or employee evaluation?

I think our princess had more than one pea under her mattress last nite.

Maybe you should give up on anger management classes and try electro-shock therapy.

So may I take it your lobotomy was not an unqualified success?

That's no way to win friends and influence people, Mr Carnegie.

It was hardly worth chewing thru your restraints this morning, was it, dear?

This might be a good day for you to place a call to Rush, Mr Dittohead.

Now I see the wisdom of forbidding concealed weapons on the premises.

A bottle of Qwell might make you less crabby. Or is it your herpes that's bugging you?

Someone apparently climbed out of the wrong side of the coffin tonite.

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-30T13:34:00.000-06:00

The identity of the weirdo above is not being revealed to protect the living (the weirdo) and the dead (the long-gone punkins).

Madison's Halloween celebration came and went without any big State Street fuss. Hurrah! Now that the city has a model of how to conduct Halloween, I hope next year some thought will be given to decreasing the police presence and saving some of the $600,000 spent on 'public safety measures' for the occasion. I'd recommend reducing the 225 officers who worked on Friday evening (when few revelers were expected and few showed) reducing/eliminating the police's elaborate hi-tech 'command and control center', not using mounted police, and getting rid of the overly bright stadium lighting. I suspect that some changes of this sort could easily lead to reducing police costs by 1/3rd while not decreasing public safety.

In the meantime, I hope you have a happy Halloween. Be sure to give those trick-or-treaters something good for them like horehound drops or capsules of green tea extract. Best of all, hand out small samples of mouthwash to keep their teeth from rotting because of all the candy handed out by your irresponsible neighbors.

Actor T R Knight Comes Out

2006-10-29T23:21:00.000-06:00

Earlier this month, actor T R Knight – who plays surgical intern George O’Malley on Grey’s Anatomy – came out in an interview in PEOPLE magazine. His brief statement said: “I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there. While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me.”

The story behind Knight’s coming out is a rather ugly one. He was apparently pushed out of the closet by an unfortunate event. Rumors were floating on the web that a huge dustup had occurred on set between actors Isaiah Washington (surgeon Preston Burke) and Patrick Dempsey (surgeon Derek Shepherd). Although details have never been revealed, it became clear that Washington, himself a member of an oppressed minority as a black man, had made scurrilous remarks about Knight’s sexuality.

Washington has just apologized in the latest PEOPLE with “sincere regret” for his “unfortunate use of words." Series producers immediately quashed any rumors that Washington would be replaced, but he has definitely tarnished his name and undoubtedly created tension on a set that depends on close ensemble work.

Meantime, ready or not, T R Knight is now publicly gay. Will that just be considered a part of his personality, or will he – like others before him – always be identified by the standard phrase “openly/admittedly gay actor T R Knight”? But, on the cheery side, he and Luke MacFarlane [who plays Matthew Rhys' lover on Brothers & Sisters] have been seen shopping together for furniture, which is pretty sweet.

A Halloween Question

2006-10-27T22:30:00.000-05:00

Fed up with last year’s Halloween celebration, Madison’s Mayor Dave Cieslewicz and a committee cooked up an elaborate plan to ensure that last year’s problems didn’t recur. Of course, the mayor and his cohorts neglected to take into account that last year’s problems were due as much to the police as the partygoers. They overreacted to the shenanigans of a few and, after making a feeble attempt to tell the whole crowd to disperse, waded into it with riot gear, tear gas, and pepper spray. The mayor and police chief, so far from recognizing that the police were part of the problem, reiterated that they would react the same this year if any problems occurred.

This policy is as unfortunate as it is unnecessary. I lived on State St from about 1975 to 1985. Halloween parties were huge and plenty rowdy then. Two things made a huge difference, tho, in what happened compared to now. There was plenty of entertainment with huge stages, bands, costume contests, etc. Police presence was of a totally different nature. Police walked the crowds in twos trying to help people that needed it and quietly putting down incidents about to happen with nonconfrontational tactics. There were no visible riot police or police on horseback to act as provocations to a drunken crowd.

There were justifiable grumbles then about the behavior of some in the crowd, but the nature and type of police presence made all the difference in the world to the outcomes. You prepare for confrontation and court it, and you'll get it. Take a conflict-resolution approach, and you can prevent bad stuff from happening in an otherwise volatile situation.

One thing that really worries me this year is that the police may not have prepared themselves for the new situation. Because of the $5 tickets required to get into the party, State Street will have barriers to prevent unticketed entries. If the police try to wade into the crowd again as they did last year with truncheons, tear gas, and pepper spray but do so without first removing the barriers, they could start a stampede ending in injuries or worse to a crowd unable to get past the barriers.

Will Madison’s police have anticipated this problem? I wish I could count on them, but unfortunately I can’t say that I do. Saturday night will tell the tale.

Addendum -- NJ Gay Marriage

2006-10-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Judicial activism: President Bush and other GOPsters are already trying to make hay out of the New Jersey Supreme Court’s decision Wednesday affirming the right of gay couples to all the rights of marriage. What Bush isn’t saying is that a majority of the court that he’s accusing of “judicial activism” was appointed by a Republican governor. In fact, all three of the justices who dissented, saying that gay couples had to be granted marriage itself, were Republican appointees!

Clarification: When I called the Court’s judgment “Solomonic,” I meant in a political sense, as a compromise position giving the legislature some role in defining the legal form of gay relationships. I actually agree from the point of law with the minority dissenters. Gay couples should be granted marriage itself, because anything less than marriage is inherently unequal. Marriage is an institution recognized everywhere and is portable across state lines. Married anywhere, married everywhere. Civil unions and domestic partnerships, on the other hand, are unique creations of individual states and have no portability.

Masschusetts currently allows gay marriages. If a New Jersey gay couple gets married, that would be recognized in Massachusetts. If the NJ legislature grants gays only civil unions, they would not be recognized in Massachusetts or elsewhere. Therefore, civil unions do not grant the full rights of marriage.

Currently, many states have legal or constitutional prohibitions against gay marriage, but Article IV, sec. 1 of the US Constitution requires each state to give “full faith and credit” to the laws and judgments of other states. If a gay couple gets married, these state prohibitions can be challenged in the courts. I do not believe that civil unions would permit such a challenge, as these other states do not have such a legal institution.

Football in American Life

2006-10-26T13:02:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I groused about the grotesque over-involvement of so many Americans with the ultimately trivial sport of football. A new TV series, NBC’s Friday Night Lights – perversely broadcast on Tuesdays – has confirmed my negativity and more.

The show takes place in a small Texas town whose life is dominated by football. The new coach is presented with take-it-or-get-fired advice by the men, and the women discuss football in the beauty parlor. The whole time gets fired up for a game, and they expect only victories.

The team is even worse off than the coach. He has complete domination over their lives and can order them all out of bed at night, into a bus, and to a muddy hill in pouring rain, where he orders them to run up and down to build up their determination to be a winning team! No nice word is given to them, just constant exhortations to shape up and do better.

Worst off of all is the star quarterback, whose entire life is laid out for him in advance. He will lead the team to a championship, get a scholarship to Notre Dame, marry his high school sweetheart, and go on to a successful career in pro football. No one doubts that this is his life’s course until the first game of the season, where a nasty tackle snaps his spinal cord and leaves him paralyzed without hope of ever walking again.

Of course, I can be accused of confusing this story with real life. However, it is based upon a book that is largely autobiographical. And Scott Porter, who plays the injured quarterback, when asked how true to life the TV drama is, cites the statistic that over 10 young men are paralyzed while playing sports in Texas alone each year.

He continues, “The town that we shot in, Pflugerville, has a population of 14,000 and the turf at their high-school football field cost $1.8 million. Just for the turf. The stadium seats 15,000 and the population is only 14,000. There's a school near Forth Worth called South Lake, and there is a five-year waiting list to get tickets. Just because you are the parent of a player doesn't mean you get tickets. If you have a kid in fifth grade, you've got to sign up. It might as well be [for] a pro team.”

And there you have it: schools and towns whose whole existence is tied up in a sport that in the end serves only to make more lives miserable than not. What a colossal waste!

TV Guido Reports: Gay Eunuchs No More

2006-10-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

Gay characters on broadcast networks have pretty much been treated as eunuchs. Either they get no action at all, or it is dealt with off-screen. I remember that Matt Damon got more action on the couch with “Grace” in one episode of Will and Grace than “Will” got in all his years on the show. But that treatment is coming to an end.

On ABC’s Sunday night family drama Brothers & Sisters, Kevin Walker, played by Matthew Rhys, is the gay brother in a large business family. Although he has always been “discreet” and never brought a man home to family events, even tho he has been invited to do so by his mother, after a few episodes he begins to loosen up.

This past Sunday, in a restaurant scene with a prospective beau played by Luke MacFarlane, Kevin at first objects to a public kiss and claims he doesn’t like PDA. However, when his beau appears at the door to Kevin’s apartment, Kevin not only kisses him [click pic to enlarge] in front of an elderly lady across the hall but grabs him and hauls him into his apartment, obviously for intimacies. It’s nice for once to see a gay relationship treated on-screen the same way as the program's straight couples.

NJ Court Grants Gay Couples Rights

2006-10-25T23:01:00.000-05:00

Today the New Jersey Supreme Court delivered, by a 4-3 vote, a Solomonic judgment that same-sex couples must be granted all the rights of opposite-sex married couples. It also ruled that the Legislature must determine within six months what form that takes – that is, whether it be called a marriage, a civil union, whatever. New Jersey already has a domestic partnership law granting same sex couples some, but not all, of the rights of marriage.

I call this judgment Solomonic because it nicely delineates the function of the courts from that of the legislature. The courts may determine what a person’s constitutional rights are, but the legislature ultimately creates the social institutions for the expression of those rights. The real strength of the judgment, tho, is that not a single member of the court disagreed that gay couples should have all the rights of marriage. In fact, the three dissenters felt that they should be entitled to the name of marriage itself.

At a time when a number of states, including Wisconsin, are facing votes on constitutional amendments outlawing gay marriages and civil unions, the ruling offers the amendment supporters some comfort that the courts will not grant marriage – that “sacramental institution”, as many conservatives regard it – to gays. It should not galvanize right-wing support for such amendments the same way an outright victory for gay marriage in NJ would have. On the other hand, the decision offers comfort to same-sex couples that a thoughtful court will accord them full marriage rights.

It is my hope that the New Jersey Legislature will decide simply to include same-sex couples in the institution of marriage. Unlike Massachusetts, which will not allow most out-of-state gay couples to marry there, New Jersey would permit them under its current marriage laws. Same-sex couples from all over the country could then marry in New Jersey and return home to challenge their own states to recognize those valid marriages. But that is a fight for another day.

My Resume

2006-10-24T10:55:00.000-05:00

Some readers have asked me to tell more about myself, so I thought I’d share my work resume with you.

My first job was working in an Orange Juice Factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. I became a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.I worked as a Baker but couldn’t make enough dough.

I became a Fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the work. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So, I tried Retirement and found that I’m perfect for the job!

OK, OK, the last sentence at least is true!

The War Clock Ticks On

2006-10-24T10:41:00.000-05:00

The National Priorities Project has posted a War Clock that continually totes up the direct costs of the Iraq War based on Congressional appropriations. Today, the clock stands at $336.75 BILLION. Pre-war estimates of the Iraqi population were about 20 million. That means that, so far, the US has spent over $16,800 per Iraqi – an astonishing sum.

Before America withdraws from Iraq, we will likely have spent about $20,000 per Iraqi, and to what effect? We will have left Iraq rid of a nasty dictator but worse off in every other way – harassed by bloody sectarian and tribal conflicts, lacking such simple amenities as electricity, and with having incurred fatalities estimated at 50,000-650,000. A lot of money for very bad results.

And these expenditure estimates are very conservative in that they cover only current direct costs. Economists have made calculations that include indirect and future costs such as veteran health care, disability payments, equipment replacement, interest payments for deficit financing of the war, and macroeconomic effects. The most conservative estimate is about $1 TRILLION. That amounts to the US expending $50,000 per Iraqi to leave their country much worse off than we found it.

The day that the US began the “liberation of Iraq” was one of the saddest and most expensive in US history. We'll all be paying the debt for decades to come.

Today's Vealcake* -- Josh Henderson

2006-10-22T23:07:00.000-05:00

Just as Grey's Anatomy has been wont to flash skin for its Drs. McDreamy, McSteamy, and McVet, Desperate Housewives keeps its younger men shirtless much of the time. The latest is Josh Henderson, the soldier Bo Ryder in Over There who got a leg blown off in Iraq but kept insisting he could rehab his way back to combat. On Housewives he plays the vixen Edie's nephew Austin. [Click pic to enlarge.]

When Susan's daughter Julie first encounters him shirtless in Edie's yard, she takes a dislike to Austin and pronounces "You're not so hot." She encounters him shirtless again later when she knocks on Edie's door. When she meets him with Edie at a party, she snottily declares: "I didn't recognize you with your shirt on." The moment she leaves, Austin turns to Edie and complains "She couldn't take her eyes off my abs. I felt violated." Sure you did, dude!

Unfortunately, Housewives has so many plot lines going that Josh/Austin doesn't appear every week, or at least not shirtless. Fortunately, the web has lots of Josh pics.

*Vealcake = male flesh too young to be called 'beefcake' yet

Today's Gardening Tip: Superbena

2006-10-22T23:01:00.000-05:00

The standout among this year's annuals in my yard was the Superbena, a new variety of the old-fashioned Verbena, but with sturdier foliage and larger flowers. [Click pic to enlarge.] Not only did one plant completely take over its pot as the petunias and annual phlox gave out, but now that cold nights have come, the Superbena continues to bloom when all the other annual plants, even the geraniums, have been pretty much turned to mush. A superb plant indeed! I'm buyin' a bunch next spring.

Fair Wisconsin's Campaign

2006-10-21T22:31:00.000-05:00

According to polls, a majority of Wisconsinites reject gay marriage, but an even larger majority think that gay couples should have rights in such areas as hospital visitation, medical decisions, pensions, and inheritance. I have felt for a long time that winning the vote against the Wisconsin “Amendment to Ban Gay Marriage and Civil Unions” involved (1) exploiting that difference, (2) downplaying the religious issues of gay sex, and (3) appealing to decent people’s sense of fair play and opposition to discrimination.

Most importantly, the side that tends to win on this sort of issue is the one that sets the framework for the discussion. I had hoped that, in the public mind, the name of the amendment could be changed from “gay marriage” to “couples discrimination.’ The effort probably would have been doomed anyways, since our “fair and balanced” media would have kept calling it “the gay marriage amendment.” But on such perceptions the fate of issues can rise and fall.

Fair Wisconsin, the lobby group opposing the amendment, has done a good job directing the public's attention to the issue of unfair discrimination. FW has been successful in raising funds, finding and putting volunteers to work, and getting the word out to the citizenry via lectures, door-to-door visits, phone calls, and media ads. I have now seen twice their most effective ad yet on the subject. [Unfortunately, I can’t find it on FW’s website, so I have to depend on my memory.]

A farmer appears on-screen. He says that he is opposed to gay marriage because “he was taught that way.” He then goes on with evident sincerity to question some of the aspects of the amendment that would adversely affect health and financial issues for gay couples. He concludes sadly that “it’s just not right.” “They’ve done no harm to us, so why should we do any to them?” is the core of his message.

Hoorah! I can’t think of a better ad to appeal to the minds of those voters who are still among the undecided as well as those fixated on "gay marriage." If you want to help Fair Wisconsin put this ad on the air as much as possible between now and Nov 7, please make a donation now!

Just Try to Read the Fine Print

2006-10-20T23:24:00.000-05:00

Picking up today my weekly Onion and Isthmus, Madison’s local “alternative” weekly, I marvelled at the sheer stupidity and self-defeating decision-making of publishers. All knowledgeable observers say current trends disfavor newspapers, as people turn from paper copy to websites.

So what do these newspaper idiots do? They make it impossible to read their paper copy by reducing the size of print to an unreadable level! Onion just switched the whole paper over to teensy print. Isthmus still has a lot of reasonable-sized print but has gradually been switching its regular features to tiny type, incl the “Week in Review” and its “Letters to the Editor.”

Newspapers aren’t alone in this. Entertainment Weekly started printing a few of its pieces in tiny type and gradually has shifted nearly all its features to unreadability. And it has changed its format so that more and more sidebars and irrelevant bits of info are scattered about a page. Other magazines are following in step too. I suppose they feel the smaller type enables them to either save paper or increase their content, but if a reader can’t read it, what’s the point?

Apparently these publishers have forgotten one of the main demographic trends in America, its aging population. That means more bifocular and trifocular readers, as we fogies suffer advancing presbyopia. I can read some of the tiny type by taking off my trifocals, but I have to squint, and the operation is tiring enough for my aging eyes that I can’t keep it up for long. Not to mention I like to read column-by-column, not having to run my eyes all over the page to make sure I don’t miss some amusing tidbit, like the latest celebrity divorce or photo of an Asian baby purportedly begotten of two Caucasian parents [Tom and Katie].

Maybe publishers would like to eliminate their paper copy entirely in favor of completely web-based newspapers and magazines. It sure doesn’t look like they have any interest in keeping their print editions alive. But there's nothing like the pleasure of holding a paper copy in your hands and reading it in a comfortable chair while sybaritically indulging in some dark chocolate-covered caramels or doughnuts.

Today's Photo -- Geek Squad

2006-10-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

My own personal Geek Squad have filed an official grievance against me for failing to provide them the same "fair and balanced" coverage accorded my 'merry maid' Zeke. In response to their complaint, I am publishing these two pics of them displaying their most up-to-date and professional behavior. [Click pics to enlarge.]

The American University -- Sexualized Banter

2006-10-19T23:48:00.000-05:00

You’ve probably read of UW-Madison Chancellor John Wiley’s overreaction to shenanigans by marching band members. Wiley made his displeasure public in a letter to Band Director Michael Leckrone and also called the whole band together to read them the riot act. He placed the band on probation and warned that any further misbehavior could lead to the band’s “virtual extinction.”

Wiley cited some unacceptable behaviors while the band was en route to away games. Some were actions that may have merited the discipline of the few individuals involved. Wiley’s concerns tho were nicely summed up by his charge of ‘sexualized bantering’ among band members on the buses. Yes, you read correctly ‘sexualized bantering.’

We have entered an unfortunate era in our social history where the powers-that-be feel that any sort of politically incorrect behavior must be punished and eradicated. One more fine example of ‘zero tolerance’ policies. What is so wrong, I have to ask, about bantering that includes some sexual innuendo among modern rowdy youngsters traveling on a bus in private? The members are all there voluntarily and largely enjoy the rough-and-tumble of their interactions. One young woman in the band even mocked Wiley by claiming the band “made me stand up in front of them and tell them my name and where I was from. Appalling!"

We have rightfully accepted that sexual harassment in the workplace and other formal circumstances is inappropriate and should not be tolerated. But I see no reason why we have to push onto every social setting standards set up for situations involving people’s livelihood, working conditions, and power imbalances between bosses and workers. Moreover, it’s ridiculous policy to allow permissible behavior for a group to be set by the most prudish and sensitive in them.

So let the band banter on, I say!

Today's Photo -- A Working Boy

2006-10-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I treated you to a pic of my housecleaner Zeke lying down on the job, tho ever so artfully. I need to square things with him and keep my reportage fair and balanced. Hence,this photo taken of him yesterday, as he was going about his work brandishing his dustwand as my very own personal 'merry maid.' [Click photo to enlarge.]

Two Mommies or Two Daddies

2006-10-19T22:44:00.000-05:00

Among the many books that conservatives around the country regularly try to get banned from their local schools, Heather Has Two Mommies is at the top. The book not only depicts the life of a girl with two lesbian moms but dares to suggest that's OK. So it has incurred the wrath of the right-wingers that don't want their children to even have available books containing such unsavory and immoral thoughts.

Now I'm not going to say there's no homophobia in European countries, even among children, because it exists, but not on the grand scale that it does in America. One piece of evidence is this cute song about a boy with two fathers performed for a group of Dutch children. In fostering fair treatment of everyone, there's no more important factor than unwavering support of that agenda by those at the top.

Today's Photos -- Incredible Bugs

2006-10-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

My friend and former student Phil takes pictures with his digital camera that make me experience awe and envy. An artist in NY state, he has a real eye for a "photo opportunity." He has captured above a spider so tiny it takes a moment to recognize the coneflower it's standing on. The bee pic below is extraordinary in its composition and focus, and you don't know the meaning of 'gossamer' until you've looked at this bee's wings up close. [Be sure to click both pics to enlarge.]

Recommendation: 2007 Calendar

2006-10-13T23:08:00.000-05:00

"America's Heroes" features (ex-)Marines who served in Iraq. Available for $14.99, this 2007 calendar is published by Freedom Is Not Free, and all proceeds will go to help wounded service members and their families. [Click on pic to enlarge.]

Computer Humor

2006-10-13T22:50:00.000-05:00

After reading my post on their failure to cure my PC's ills, my "Computer Geek" pals wore this T-shirt to my house the next time they visited.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

Next time I’m going to have more memory installed.

Life would be easier if I had the source code.

If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

May the Source Code be with you!

I Won the Lottery!!!

2006-10-09T17:59:00.000-05:00

Well, actually I didn’t. Which is no surprise since I don’t play the lottery.

Last week I received a letter purporting to be from the Prince of Wales Lottery Commission, saying that I had won $88,000 in an international drawing from two million random names. A check was enclosed for almost $2,000, with directions to call a lottery rep on this side of the Atlantic to collect my winnings. The check would pay that agent’s fee.

At first I was very excited, and the letter aroused my money-lust. But it seemed too good, and I suspected a scam. The internet turned up no info on the PWLC or on the firm with which the agent was supposedly affiliated. The check was drawn on the account of a natural foods firm in NH, but the phone area code was for Calgary, Alberta, in Canada. Similarly, the agent I had to call was supposedly in Calgary, but her area code was for Halifax, Nova Scotia! Huh?

The agent wasn’t very helpful, as she plainly figured out I thought it was a scam. I was supposed to deposit my check in my account, and then she would withdraw that amount from my account. Obviously, the check I was sent would bounce, and I would be out the money. I also called the Canadian number that was supposedly for the food distribution firm and was assured that the check was valid and from the company.

I called the company’s real number which I obtained from the net and was told the whole business was indeed a scam. The company had already had about 3,000 calls on the subject, and some people lost money when the invalid check bounced.

I have to wonder what kind of person engineers such an elaborate scam, involving seemingly official letters, a very real-looking check, and people to answer various phones to verify the whole business as legit. If you’ve got that much expertise and energy, why not do some good?

I have to feel sorry for anyone who falls for this scam. Granted, they’re not too bright, but I suspect it’s the inexperienced and the mentally compromised who most likely are successfully scammed – those least able to spare the money.

I am going to turn the info on this scam over to the local phone companies in Canada in the hope that the telecom firm will shut them down by denying them lines for their fraud. Whether this will work or not, I cannot say.

But let this be a warning to you if you ever get a letter like this offering you something for nothing. Perform your “due diligence” before committing yourself to anything, and above all don’t give anyone your bank account number so they can remove funds.

Also, a friend of mine tells me that emails are being sent to people here in Madison asking them to verify their credit union info and directing them to a fake – but very authentic-looking – website for that CU. Those who fall for it could suffer identity theft and loss of money.

Lots of scams waiting out there for the wary, folks. Watch out!

TV Guido Reports -- A Character Matures

2006-10-09T17:36:00.000-05:00

TV writers are pushing characters to new depths in the race to create more outrageous plots to attract viewers. Personae are suddenly made to do things totally out of character to promote some cooked-up story line. I think, for example, of Kirsten on The OC, who degenerated from a sober materfamilias into an alcoholic requiring inpatient rehab in just one or two shows.

And then other characters, always with a nasty side to start with, have turned into sociopaths. On Rescue Me, comedian Denis O’Leary’s character Tommy the firefighter began as a pushy, annoying, yet funny jerk and has developed into a monster capable of playing three women off each other, carelessly allowing his son to be hit by a car, brutally assaulting his brother, and raping his ex-wife. [In the fantasy world of the male writers, she naturally enjoyed it and came back for more, but that topic’s for another day.]

On Nip/Tuck, the womanizer Dr Christian Troy – whose name ironically suggests spirituality and heroism – has always been a self-regarding womanizer. Over the seasons, the character has turned into a nasty woman-hating abuser who treats his prey with arrogance and contempt while caring only for himself and his material possessions.

Worst of the lot is the lead character of House, a diagnostic specialist. A physician who won’t treat patients or hospital staff with respect or kindness, his modus operandi has always been to make quick diagnoses and treat patients with methods that turn out to worsen their condition until he lands on the correct diagnosis and saves the patients right before killing them. Lately, he has resorted to vile aggressiveness to everyone in sight and even goaded patients into starting a fight so he can punch back. Of course, this is all done in the name of good patient care. Oh, and did I mention that he’s a drug addict? In real life, he would have been deprived of his license and sent to jail long ago. Instead, he has become a hero to the masses who watch House and think he’s just “2 kewl.”

So, it’s a real treat to encounter a TV character who actually grows and matures. Desperate Housewives’ John the gardener [see pic above; click to enlarge], played by Jesse “Manboobs” Metcalfe, started his career on the show having sex with a customer. All thru their affair, he called her “Mrs Solis,” even during sex. When his adulterous lover wouldn’t leave her husband to marry him, he gave her up.

On yesterday’s show, he reencounters the now divorced Mrs Solis, and the two of them fall into bed together, just like old times. Now the successful head of a gardening firm, he addresses her as an equal by calling her Gabrielle. She obviously thinks of him as marriage material, capable of providing both good sex and material possessions. With conviction, John tells her he is engaged and refuses to continue with her because he won’t become the kind of husband who has affairs outside the marriage. Who would have thought that this callow and naïve youth could develop into an adult wanting to honor his marriage vow? What a shocker – but a pleasant one.

After all the sociopaths, this development is most welcome. Congratulations, ABC! And kudos to Desperate Housewives’ writers. Now let’s have a few of those sociopaths develop a conscience!

Murder Comes to the Amish

2006-10-08T13:21:00.000-05:00

Of the three recent school killings that happened in one tragic week, the Amish killings most touched my heart. For eight years I lived and taught in a town encircled by Amish farms. Some days the town parking lot had more buggies than cars! The Amish avoided all but necessary contacts with the “English,” as they called all non-Amish. Their world was apart from ours and more of the 19th century than the 20th. They didn’t attend any of the five regular elementary schools, and our school district ran five one-room schoolhouses for them.

The schoolhouse picture above – drawn from Bill Coleman’s Amish photos (click on pic to enlarge) – displays the character of the Amish. Simple, no frills, no fads, nothing modern, just a plain functional wooden building with an outhouse in back. An aura of spiritual calm and peace envelops it, and one can imagine only the laughter of Amish children at play. Like the Amish themselves, the school is isolated, alone, seemingly not part of the contemporary world, but rather belonging to an older way of life in harmony with nature’s seasonal and diurnal rhythms.

Unlike our “keeping up with the Joneses,” no oneupmanship exists among the Amish. All those in a community dress alike, and anything smacking of vanity – like buttons – is forbidden. They build no churches except those in their own hearts, and “church” is held every other week at someone’s home. The activities are always the same, including the singing of unaccompanied hymns and two sermons, one several hours in length (!) known as “the real thing.” Items served at the supper come from a prescribed list that prevents any family from trying to outshine others.

In spite of their arduous spiritual life, the Amish are very practical, especially when it comes to their children. On non-church weekends, the children are allowed to run freer than usual. During late adolescence, Amish kids can lead a free life and may even decide to live among the “English” without disapproval. At some point, however, they are expected to return, sign the community’s covenant – or rules of community life – and settle in to an Amish life. Those who fail to do so and those who leave the community after joining the covenant are shunned so the community may remain faithful to its ideals.

Amish mostly farm, though some may be carpenters or carriage-makers. Their lives are simple and based on distinct roles for men and women. They are thrifty and pay cash for any goods or services they need from the outside world. Their sense of time differs radically from ours, and nothing is rushed or pushed in a way that would damage the integrity of the work.

For an Amishman leading this type of life, killing is unthinkable, so the intrusion of an “English” man into their school with murder in his heart must have shocked and stunned their community. Their most prized possession is their children, and five families lost little girls on this bloody morning of terror. Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes.

Other communities obsess over such events, call in counselors, seek punishment for the murderer, and dwell on their pain. Not so the Amish. Asked if their community was angry over the killings, one shocked young Amish woman replied “Anger, no. Oh, no no no!” They quietly buried their dead in funerals of solemn horse-and-buggy processions, somewhat resentful of the media fuss that distracted them from their spiritual duties. Most amazingly, at the killer’s funeral, over half the mourners were Amish, many of whom knew the milkman. They came to assure his family of their forgiveness and to display their love.

Again, I feel the urge to weep, but this time not from sorrow, but with joy. In a world filled with tribes and clans and nations bent on genocide of those not exactly like them, it does the heart good to know that we still have communities with such goodness in their souls, people that are grace-filled and genuinely compassionate. Would that the rest of us could emulate their wonderful example.

My recipe: Applesauce

2006-10-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

I love to eat applesauce with a variety of dishes but have never found a canned sauce that I really liked. So I developed this easy recipe. Note: use only Macs for this applesauce, as they break down easily into a smooth sauce just with cooking and occasional stirring.

Peel and core 4-5 Mackintosh apples, and cut them in small pieces into a 2-qt saucepan. Add 1/3 cup each of raisins and either craisins or dried cherries, ½ cup of water, and a dash of salt. Mix the contents with a wooden spoon, cover, cook on medium heat until the mixture starts steaming, then turn heat down to low. Cook for 20-30 minutes, stirring occasionally to break up the apples and smoothen the sauce. Remove from the stove, and mix in 1 tsp vanilla. Sauce may be served hot or chilled, plain or garnished with a dash of nutmeg or cinnamon.

In Praise of Motherhood

2006-10-06T13:29:00.000-05:00

This summer a mallard visited my yard almost daily with her seven sizable ducklings. This occurrence was unexpected, because a duck's brood usually diminishes in numbers with time. Ducklings are prey for many predators, and their mother can’t prevent some of them being carried off and eaten.

But this momma duck was different. Especially vigilant, when her ducklings were feeding off the food that had fallen out of my birdfeeders, she rarely ate but stood with her neck fully extended to watch for trouble. [Click pic to enlarge.] When I threw them bread, she kept them a bit away from me and watched me carefully. Any other adult duck that dared to try to feed with her ducklings was given a loud honk and chased to the edge of the yard.

Whenever my cat appeared, she immediately ordered her kids back down to the lake, whereas other ducks would stay and watch Maurice to see if he was coming close enough to present a danger. But momma wasn’t taking any chances of losing one of her offspring to the jaws and claws of my cat.

Only once that I saw did her vigilance fail her. Maurice appeared, and she chased her kids away, then watched the cat for a moment. By the time she turned back, her brood was out of sight. She immediately panicked, running this way and that, softly quacking, as if to call her kids but not announce their loss to predators. I walked slowly behind her to gently move her down to the lake. She continued to blither and quack until she saw them swimming calmly at the shore. Then she uttered one loud and triumphant quack and dashed down to join them.

Ordinarily, I’m not in favor of ‘smother love,’ but I have to give credit to this mallard. Neighbors and friends who sometimes watched her also commented how seriously she took her maternal duties. She did an extraordinary job of protecting her brood, and I had to admire her. Hooray for Momma Mallard!

The Problem with Polls

2006-10-04T15:03:00.000-05:00

The problem with polls is that, like fair-weather friends, they don’t provide you with help when you need or want it most.

An article I read today on the Tennessee Senate race claimed that a poll “showed Republican Bob Corker leading Democrat Harold Ford Jr 43 percent to 42 percent.” That’s absolutely wrong. The article should have stated the poll showed them “in a statistical dead heat.”

Polls typically have a 3-4 point 'margin of error.' Since the sample used in a poll is so much smaller than the number of voters, it can’t be perfectly accurate. A figure of 42% with a 4-pt margin of error [on both sides of the number!] means that the candidate will likely receive 38% to 46% of the vote. Not very helpful, huh?

Except in cases where the answer is pretty much obvious already to any knowledgeable observer, a poll won’t tell you a lot. It certainly can’t help you in a close race like the one in Tennessee. Media reporters don’t seem to understand this and so constantly treat the polls in close races as definitive, when they really mean that the race is wide open. Factor in that ‘undecideds’ often fall disproportionately to one candidate on voting day, and a poll with even a small number of undecideds becomes even more of a puzzlement.

Worse, polls are likely to get even more deceptive as time goes on. Many young people have only a cellphone and no landline, and many with landlines, esp women, have unlisted numbers. These trends have been growing, and, since poll-takers can contact only those with listed land-lines, the sample population will look less and less like the whole population. Poll results will therefore distort the reality even more than they do now.

So beware pollsters when bearing close numbers! What looks real is just a mirage.

Today's Photo -- Rose the Cow

2006-10-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

Madison's downtown sported a variety of sculptures this summer as part of a "Cow Parade." One of my favorites was Rose, a white cow decorated with rosemaling. A cow and rosemaling. What could be more quintessentially Wisconsin, exceptin' cheese, o' course? [Click pic to enlarge.]

Today's T-Shirt, or, Why I Love My Life

2006-10-02T22:16:00.000-05:00

Football VS Everything Else

2006-10-02T17:51:00.000-05:00

Madison’s two daily papers – Wisconsin State Journal and The Capital Times – upload their major stories to a combined website. The site includes each day a listing of the nine “Most Clicked” articles. Day after day, quite reliably, five of these popular stories feature the spectator sport of the season. Here in the fall, typically three articles involve the Packers and two the UW Badgers. And the papers’ forums always include a handful of sports threads, such as today's "Should the Packers switch to a 3/4 defense?"

Americans now face such serious issues as global warming, terrorism, wars and genocides, elections, decline in access to health care, the quality of our children’s education, growing economic disparities, and so on. Yet we moderns act about the same as the ancient Romans. Their overlords, to keep them distracted from public affairs, gave them panem et circenses. Their "bread and races" equate to our superfluity of every kind of consumer goods and our year-long succession of spectator sports.

But what’s our excuse? We Americans are not cut out of the political process. We can visit or write our representatives, express our opinions publicly, vote, demonstrate, agitate, what have you. But the fact that more sports articles are read than all the others in our newspapers makes one thing clear. Too many of us have allowed distractions to cut ourselves out of these important processes.

Sometimes I think I lack the essential human gene that causes attraction to watching others cavort about some playing field. I just cannot understand how a populace as educated and enabled as ours can involve itself so heavily in an activity as essentially trivial and meaningless as watching two teams fight over an inflated ball. What a shame.

Wisconsin Wears the Cheese Crown

2006-10-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

The ads for California cheese that have been appearing on TV grate on my nerves. How dare they advertise their wares in "America's Dairyland"? They claim their cheese is good because their cows are happy. Well, Wisconsin has long been the #1 cheese-producing state, so I gotta presume our cows are even happier than theirs. So take that, you big bully California!

California cheesemakers claim that they will soon surpass Wisconsin in cheese production. In 2005, Wisconsin produced 2.4 billion pounds of cheese, with California right behind at 2.14 billion pounds. But I say “so what?” By any measure that I have calculated other than gross production, Wisconsin will always be first.

California covers 158.7K sq mi, while Wisconsin has only 56.2K sq mi, so that Wis' cheese production of 42,700 lbs/sq mi easily bests Cali’s 13,500 lbs/sq mi. Wisconsin does even better when population is taken into account. Cali’s 36,132K population dwarfs Wis’ 5,536K, but – conversely – Wis’ 434 lbs/capita dwarfs Cali’s measly 59 lbs/capita.

And then there’s quality. I haven’t tasted any California cheeses that I’m aware of, but I have eaten Penna and NY cheeses, and I can attest that they taste like wax or cardboard compared to our cheeses. And I’ve noticed that cheesemaker booths at our local Farmers Market boast blue ribbons from nat'l/int'l associations. As far as I’m concerned, the cheese crown belongs to Wisconsin’s dairy farmers and cheesemakers, and Wisconsin’s David will always clobber California’s Goliath.

Excelsior, America's Dairyland!

Today's Beefcake -- Eric Dane

2006-09-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

This past Thursday the popular TV show Grey's Anatomy ended with a choice bit of beefcake. Dr McDreamy, as he's called, informed his wife that their marriage was over because he had chosen his playmate Meredith over her. He took all the blame upon himself. . . . until the door of the bathroom opened, and out walked Dr McSteamy (played by Eric Dane), his former best friend clad only in a towel. Dane's entrance was a shock but breathtaking as well. [Click on the pic to enlarge. The image isn't the best, because screen captures tend to be dark and lo-res.]

You can watch the whole clip, but you have to go through some folderol. Check "free" on the first page, then you have to wait til the clock runs down for a minute. You'll then be sent to a page that will allow you to download the clip. Enjoy!

Today's Photo -- Plumbago

2006-09-29T13:44:00.000-05:00

A number of people have asked me what the pretty blue flower in my barrels is – Plumbago “Imperial Blue.” [Click on pic for larger size.] An annual, it’s disappointing early in the season as it’s slow to grow and flower. Then it sports a few flowers but becomes so rangy it lacks all form. Every year I tell myself not to buy it next year, but Plumbago comes into its glory in late summer and early autumn when it finally starts blooming heavily in its gorgeous light sky blue. Then I remember why I grow it and put it on next year’s list again!

2 Blog Or Not 2 Blog -- That's the Q

2006-09-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

What compels people to blog? Huge numbers of teenage girls create blogs which contain mostly pictures of themselves and of their “faves.” To the pics of these young actors and musicians, the girl’s friends add comments such as “hot,” “hot!,” “hot hot hot,” “really hot hot hot!,” et cetera ad infinitum ad nauseam. For this we send them to school for 12+ years?!

Many bloggers ride a hobby-horse (such as military readiness or critiques of Bush), while others discuss professional matters, such as a management technique, and technology-oriented blogs abound too. Most bloggers, tho, post info about themselves and their specific interests.

Adult bloggers are more likely to ride a hobby-horse, discuss professional matters or technology, or to write about their personal interests. I originally wanted the sub-domain “henryx” on blogspot.com, but it was already taken by a fellow who reported whether his “bitch wife” was putting out that week. Nice guy! Another blogger, on whatjeffkilled.com, posts daily pictures of the carcasses of the animals killed by the cat in his yard -- and in plenty of gory detail. Another nice guy!

I assure you that my motives are more benign! I formerly had a blog called “on the contrary," but unresolvable technical difficulties forced me to abandon it. So, since my one blog died, I figgered I might as well start two! This one – Kibble -- presents a melange of stuff that interests me. I intend to start up “on the contrary” again to focus entirely on policy and political matters. For now, Kibble is it!

I have posted a variety of items here before introducing this blog to others. I hope this mixture will interest you enough to click on “Subscribe to Kibble by Email” in the sidebar. Any time I add something new, you will receive the post by e-mail, saving you the trouble of checking back here. Just delete the message if it doesn't interest you.

So enjoy! And please subscribe!

TV Guido Reports: E! Disappoints

2006-09-25T12:25:00.001-05:00

“Watch with Kristin,” a weekly column in E! Online, provides TV viewers with insider info. Friday, Kristin’s column had a video clip of Jason Dohring, the actor who plays Veronica’s boyfriend on Veronica Mars. There he comments on what a nice guy Chris Lowell is, the actor who plays Veronica’s new competing love interest this season. With a smile, he declares “I’d go for him. Yeah, I’d go for him. I’d be willing to share him with Veronica.” Immediately after, Chris appears in the clip asserting that he’d be willing to share Veronica with Jason. So a gay suggestion by one actor – whether serious or tongue-in-cheek – was countered with a straight response by another. A cute and amusing exchange, free of any trace of homophobia, just asserting each actor’s supposed orientation.

When I went to send the clip to a friend today, I checked it out again. Over the weekend, it was re-edited to eliminate Jason’s suggestion he’d share Chris with Veronica. Instead, Chris is given more time to explain he likes Jason enough that he’d share Veronica with him. Apparently, for a woman to have two lovers is acceptable, or at least more acceptable than for a man to have a female and a male lover. I am disappointed that E! Online would yield in this way to possible homophobia on the part of some of its audience. What a shame they goofed this chance to make the point that some nice guys are bi and others are gay and that’s OK.

Recipe: Eggs Florentine

2006-09-24T23:40:00.000-05:00

I attended a brunch yesterday where our hostess made a fine egg dish with lots of dairy in it. Usually I would just publish my own recipes, but this one is too good not to share. Note: Our hostess used Swiss chard instead of spinach, a substitution which I suspect is tastier. Maybe it should then be called Eggs Geneva.

Mix 8 eggs, 12 oz cottage cheese, 8 Tbs melted butter, 8 oz softened cream cheese, 8 oz sour cream, & 2 Tbs flour. Fold 1 cup of chopped fresh spinach & 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese into the egg mixture. Pour into a greased 13x9 glass baking dish. Bake at 350F for 30-40 minutes until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean.

T-Shirts: "Don't Talk to Me"

2006-09-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

I get a bunch of catalogs almost every day, and lots of them feature T-shirts with slogans. My favorites are those that have insults on them designed to discourage others from conversing with you. Of course, if you don’t have the actual T, there’s no reason why you just can’t use one of these sayings against someone you want to discourage:

If you have time to whine and complain about something, you have time to do something about it.

Oh, yes! I’d just love to hear you blabber on some more about yourself.

Just keep talking like I wasn’t here.

Keep talking. Don’t let my snoring stop you.

You know, despite the look on my face, you’re still talking.

I’ve stopped listening. Why haven’t you stopped talking?

If you knew what I was thinking, you’d be very disappointed.

To be held back for use against only the most obnoxious interlocutors:

I’m trying to see things from your view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass.

Today's Cartoon: Popeye

2006-09-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

[Click on cartoon for larger size.] I saw in the newspaper a headline of a mother complaining that she felt betrayed by E.coli-infested spinach because she tried to feed her children healthily and that strategy turned out to be unsafe. I can only say that this is an unrealistic attitude. The most we can do in this imperfect world of ours is to follow the best information we have and then to accept what happens. Nature doesn't promise us a pest-free rose garden, and we rarely get it. Chance is an inescapable part of our reality, and the best intentions often lead to the worst results. A hateful -- yet undeniable -- truth.

TV Guido Reports: Network “Creativity”

2006-09-20T13:22:00.000-05:00

Checking out tonite’s TV programs, I noticed the series debut of Kidnapped. TV networks follow the latest trend, figuring that, if it worked for another network, it’ll work for us. One network starts a show Dancing with Celebrities, and pretty soon you’ll have Star Duets, then Sky-Diving with Celebrities, and soon the inevitable Rehab with the Stars.

Today’s fad is the season-long narrative playing out the main story in something like real time. Shows like Lost and 24 require that you watch every week so that you don’t fall behind the various story threads, creating a loyal fan base. Still, the most popular programs remain Law & Order and CSI and their various clones, which are police procedurals. [This season CBS will duck the trends and broadcast 11 episodic procedurals in its 18 primetime slots!]

Some bright network executives put the two program types together -- procedurals and narratives -- and came up with the idea of playing out a single criminal case over a whole season. But not just one network came up with a story-line like these -- three did!

So Fox gives us a twofer in Vanished and Standoff , NBC provides Kidnapped, and ABC presents The Nine. Of these programs, two feature kidnappings and two involve hostage situations. Not to be totally left out of the fad parade, new network The CW will give us Runaway in imitation of Prison Break. The sheer creative imagination of all the responsible program execs just takes my breath away! Do all the networks have the others’ offices bugged so they can imitate each other?

The biggest problem with the new fad is that clearly not all these shows can survive. So viewers who have remained loyal to one or another new series will suddenly find that, without warning, network execs put an end to a show. Or, perhaps even worse, they put it on hiatus with the intention of bringing it back months later, by which time their fan base will have shifted to other favored programs.

In either event, the viewers feel betrayed by having invested their time in programs that simply vanish from the airwaves before any of their loose ends have been tied up. In an effort to find shows that will attract more viewers, the networks are systematically alienating more and more of their audience. No wonder the broadcast networks are steadily losing out to the more adventurous cable channels.

Today's Photo: Bubble-Mobile

2006-09-17T17:13:00.000-05:00

We who live in Madison are blessed with an abundance of neighborhood festivals. One of my favorites is the Willy St Fair just two blocks off my street, along with a parade before the fair opens on Sunday morning. This parade is a throw-together affair, featuring decorated cars from local businesses, marching bands and drill groups, and neighbors in various costumes, on stilts, on a gigantic gerbil wheel, and so on. One of the most awaited items in the parade is the Bubble-Mobile, an old car fixed up with some tubas and wires that generates lots of bubbles to amuse both children and adults alike. [Click on photo for larger size.]

The Geek Squad Cometh

2006-09-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

My security software annual license expired last week, and I purchased a license for the updated software for this year. Unfortunately, after I installed it, my PC slowed down to a nearly glacial pace. Since I have a cable web connection and am used to having my e-mail and websites operate rapidly, watching my machine struggle to draw its pages was a real aggravation.

I complained to several friends of mine just to kvetch, but they decided to come over and help. They arrived decked out in identical “Geek Squad” T-shirts and sat down to persuade my computer to return to normal operation. They deleted my cookies and all my temp files, uninstalled a few programs I rarely use, defragged the files, and then “window washed” the works to get ride of any trace of unneeded files.

As they went along, they continually berated me for failing to have done what’s needed to keep a computer running smoothly. My one consolation was that none of their efforts led to my PC acting any differently. Unfortunately, this also meant I was still stuck with a low functioning computer.

I uninstalled my seemingly problematic security software and got a license for another one. My machine operated marginally better. I did get a few surprises, tho. When I tried to boot up my machine in the late evening, I got a message telling me I wasn’t allowed to use my PC after ten at night! I realized this was due to the default settings in the parental control software and simply disabled it. I also had to disable the spam filter to improve my e-mail’s operation. But I still was faced with operation at a much slower pace than previously.

My security software advised me that a file called viewmgr.exe was trying to access the internet and advised that I deny it. Due to its name, I was a little apprehensive about fooling around with this file, since it sounded vaguely necessary. But I denied it web access. The next time I turned my PC on, the hard drive began to grind and grind and grind, permitting almost no normal functions. It came to me, like one of those light bulbs that switch on over a person’s head in a cartoon, that perhaps viewmgr.exe wasn’t giving up on trying to access the net. So I boldly deleted it, and suddenly my machine returned to normal operation!

What a trial! Several weeks to uncover one file out of thousands that was destructive. And one major security program couldn’t detect it. The creator of this problem was particularly clever. The antisocial nerd didn’t create a virus that could be easily identified and disabled. Instead he took a file that was actually needed for the operation of one company’s software and corrupted it. This made its detection difficult. I wonder how many other people have suffered because of that damnable geek-nerd.

Personally, as a user who just wants his computer to work, I have to ask why software like the operating system and the browser don’t automatically do the periodic cleanups needed to keep a computer running well. Why should I have to buy a handful of special software and periodically spend time manually cleaning up files?

Setting up scheduled automatic cleanups results in these actions occurring in the background while I’m using my computer, once again leading to subpar operation. I can’t help but think that the companies and programmers who create software feel that end-users should have a lot more computer savvy than I suspect we end-users feel we should have to acquire.

Photo of the Day: The Artful Sleeper

2006-09-13T20:49:00.000-05:00

Every other Wednesday my friend Zeke cleans my house for me. Today he was tired when he arrived and decided to take a little snooze on the couch before he started work. He prides himself on his appearance and likes to strike a pose. Amazingly, this carried over today even into his nap, as he just happened to let his body fall into an artful position. [Click photo for larger size.]

One Thousand Nine Hundred Forty-Two and 23/100 Dollars

2006-09-12T11:38:00.000-05:00

While I was paying a few bills with checks today, I bristled at writing out the amount to supplement the Arabic numerals. You know how that works – first you draw a mega-nega bar to prevent your grandkids from adding a few hundreds to your birthday-gift check. Next you write out the dollar amount in long-hand, adding the cents in the format “and x/100” dollars. Why this has to be done just this way is one of those mysteries like the Blessed Trinity and the Dual Natures of Christ that we can never understand, just accept.

Where else in our financial lives do we have to write out a number in long hand? Nowhere. Several times I have asked banking people why the amount must be given twice in different formats, and I have always been told that, if the amounts differ, the bank uses the written-out amount. Obviously, this doesn’t answer my question. If the amount were given only once, there couldn’t be any discrepancies!

Although the number in word form is called the “legal amount,” it is not strictly required. So I have come up with a fiendish system that I highly recommend to you as well. From now on, instead of writing out in English words the value of the Arabic numbers, I am going to use Roman numerals on the legal line! So $152.23 will be rewritten as CLII & XXIII/C Dollars.

Why don’t you try it too? Be sure to use the right Roman equivalent for the Arabic number. Otherwise, you’ll put your financial institution in the position of having to decide which amount you really meant!

Chaos & Evil VS Order & Good

2006-09-11T17:03:00.000-05:00

Today is the fifth anniversary of one of America’s most unspeakable and unforgettable days. For a long time, if I saw New York in a movie or TV show and the Twin Towers were still standing in the view, I had to avert my eyes to avoid the pain of reliving that day yet once more. The memory of 9/11/01 invokes many thoughts in me, but none so potent as the realization of how one or a few individuals can bring chaos and evil into our midst.

On the other hand, it takes many to maintain order and good. This is one of the nastiest truths of our human existence and one of the hardest to live with – that the few can easily destroy what the many have wrought with much labor. One rapist can terrorize all the women in a town. A couple of thieves can frighten anyone walking alone at night. One virus can end the life of a body otherwise healthy. A few terrorists can sacrifice all the unwilling passengers in an airplane and murder all the people in one of the world’s tallest, proudest buildings.

Yet we can take comfort in knowing that, in spite of this disproportion between chaos and order, between evil and good, order and the good generally prevail. No significant act of terrorism has occurred within the US in the last five years. Most of us are able to go about our lives without feeling scared of what will happen to us if we walk the streets of our town. Our bodies usually function well in spite of all the microscopic entities trying to bring them down.

We generally go about our business without worry or fear. That is true because nearly all of us do our part to continue the reign of order in our world, typically without any thought. We are mostly good and work to maintain the physical and social order of our world, and we are largely successful. This thought helps me more than anything else to spiritually survive the memory of that fateful day in our nation’s history.

In praise of Donuts

2006-09-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

A friend and I have a habit on Friday evenings of eating at a Chinese restaurant and then walking two blocks to the local kosher donut shop. We each buy half-a-dozen. He favors raised donuts that are maple-glazed. I like a chocolate-covered bismarck or two filled with that indeterminate white stuff rather than the yellowish custard. My real favorites tho are the cake donuts, esp the old-fashioned ones. No air in those babies! All luscious dough.

But the piece de resistance – which we usually do manage to resist – are the huge apple fritters on offer. We call them “heads” because of their size, and the clerk always knows what’s meant when I order a “head.” These baked goodies are undoubtedly the most effective means ever devised by humanity for carrying fat and sugar to the mouth.

Of course, these delicious donuts are not good for us. We know that, yet we continue to order them. One of the nastiest tricks nature has played on us is that fat carries flavor. From the evolutionary standpoint, I suppose this makes sense. The caveman, faced with periodic bad weather or shortages of game animals, needed a reserve of fat to survive bad times. Sweet foods with sugar also helped to provide quick energy when it was needed for the hunt.

Unfortunately, we sedentary moderns need no such fat reserve, as we live with an abundance of food – even fresh fruits and vegetables -- all year round. So, for us, the maxim that fat carries flavor is a cruel joke, and the tantalizing sweetness of goodies only causes us to consume them constantly, leading to a nasty cycle of sugar highs and crashes.

Now some wags will no doubt point out that a little self-discipline could help address these problems, but oh the appeal of a rich, flavorful donut is just too much to be resisted. [The use of the passive here cleverly disguises the real truth “too much for me to resist.”] What about you?

Today's T-Shirt

2006-09-07T18:02:00.000-05:00

What's Blooming in My Garden

2006-09-07T17:47:00.000-05:00

My Phlox "David," a pure white that is nicely mold-resistant, had an extraordinary year. I suppose conditions were right, and I hadn't gotten around to separating the clumps for a few years. Hence the magnificent array of white blooms above. [Click the photo for a better view.]

My indolence taught me something new too. I used to deadhead the spent pannicles to make way for the new growth and was rewarded with a second flush that was lovely, if not as abundant as the first. I didn't get around to deadheading this year, and I discovered that the old blossom heads will reblossom along with the new growth for a second flush more glorious than the first! The first growth is now spent, but the second growth is putting out a third flush. So I've had abundant Phlox from mid-July to early September more than in any year that I've removed the flowerheads.

Sometimes it pays to be lazy!